what to say to filthy pegans who attack the Lord:
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I recently made friends with a dude who is one of those born again Baptists or Evangelicals or whatever. Bascially they just recently "found God" and take the bible literally and think you have to immerse yourself in a swimming pool and be baptized to be "saved". He told me that's what I needed to do. I told him I was baptized a few days after I was born and he said it didn't count because I wasn't an adult, to which I retorted, "That's what CONFIRMATION is for, look it up."
My new buddy finds me highly fascinating because all these stories he's discovering for the first time, I know by heart. He'd ask me, "Do you know about the parable of so-and-so?" And I'd go in depth into it. I even told him that you can't take it literally because Jesus was talking to farmers and fishermen, so that's why he would use metaphors that farmers would understand. So I explained to him when Jesus said that if you have the "faith of a mustard seed", what he meant was not literally a mustard seed, but the mustard seed is the smallest seed out there, so he's saying if you have even the most tiniest of faiths...
In any case, I find him amusing because he takes the bible literally. He literally thinks Jesus is one day going to come down from the sky Superman style because it said so in the bible. There's a lot of weird shit in the bible that if you take literally, would be either hilarious or really fucked up.
He also believes that his way is the right way and the only way and the Catholics, Protestants, Anglicans, even other Baptist and Evangelical subsets got have it wrong. I tried to explain to him at the heart it's all the same thing, everyone's reading the same book but nope, his sect has it right and everyone else is wrong.
So when I think of the word "Christcucks", that's what I think of. n00bs who just discovered the bible who think they know everything now but they're really just n00bs and they're really fucking annoying.
I'm guessing there are a lot of these kinds of cucks here.
Wait, what?
You're basically saying that you can "interpret" the Bible to mean whatever the fuck you want, which is also why there are thousands of Christian denominations and the two major ones can't even agree on how one goes to heaven (which is the central point of your religion).
So if you tell me that I should not take the Bible literally, then why should I listen to your interpretations and not the interpretations of [this guy](https://static.independent.co.uk/s3fs-public/thumbnails/image/2016/03/25/09/pope-francis-1.jpg?quality=75&width=1200&auto=webp)?
No, you need to interpret it as a farmer or fisherman in 0 BC would have because that's who Jesus was speaking to. That's why he said he was a "fisher of men", not because he's literally going to put a fishing rod in a lake and a fucking human comes out the other end, but because he was going to gather people like a fisherman gathers fish.
This implies that Christianity is a religion for stupid people, which is unintentionally based.
But to get back to the subject, it's a very smart idea to speak in terms your audience would understand. If Jesus had to speak with athletes, he would have used sportsball analogies.
I would agree in general, but your whole argument is that Jesus had to dumb it down for them. So it's you who have implied that farmers are stupid.
I don't know what a "swimming pool Christian" is. My family is Christian but we never had a swimming pool. Are you talking about the baptismal technique of immersion? Since you think Jesus is a liar, why do you care about how people carry out a Christian religious rite? It has nothing to do with you.
That might have been the case at the very start of the Reformation, when the Vulgate was standard in the Catholic world, and the Protestants still respected it to some degree. That sadly isnt the case anymore, Protestantism was always lightly judaized (theres a reason Luther ended up hating the jews, they duped him when he though adopting their poisoned version of scripture would make them convert, of course they didnt); but the judaization went into full gear with Puritanism attempting to erase anything Catholic (and therefore explicitly opposed to judaization), and then its offshoot, Christian Zionism, outright rejecting every single Church Father's teachings on the Reprobation of the jews; and then finally with the Scofield "Bible" injection Christian Zionism into the previously uncorrupted Protestant sects in concert with the holocaust narrative and establishment of a fake Israel completing the psyop. Even worse, Vatican II saw some Modernist clerics wanting to take the ((((Masoretic text))) seriously and now we have supposedly imprimatured bibles that use it over the officially sanctioned Vulgate (which is *explicitly* Christian, while the Masoretic translations attempt to obscure or explain away all the prophecies in the OT relating to Christ).
I recommend every single Christian, regardless of sect, utilize a vulgate translation, because those who follow Masoretic Text translations will be deceived.