I meet a girl at church and we've been dating for a few months. She's literally a debt free virgin with no tattoos. She can cook. She's very nice. She likes me a lot. She wants to have kids, is good with kids, and would like to stay at home taking care of them, at least for their youngest years. She's open to homeschooling. She says she's not cut out for a career and doesn't understand why women try to prioritize them. That said, she is smart and has a good job and can take care of herself responsibly. Her parents are very well off. She respects men and men's roles, and believes in the biblical arrangement of the woman being subordinate to the man. She is very emotionally aware, even of her own flaws and biases, and she's communicates well about it. We have many overlapping media interests when it comes to nerdy stuff, but she shares my view that it's cringey to obsess too much over as an adult, and that most new stuff is pretty bad and/or degenerate. She is willing to stand by her own perspective, (which is always reasonable), even when it puts her at odds with the typical consensus, even of a female social group. She thinks I am funny and she is encouraging. We worked together on a minor construction project and worked well as a team.
However, I simply don't long to be with her. She's not my type physically. We get along well personality wise, but I find nothing especially enchanting about her presence. She doesn't light up my day. She doesn't inspire me. I don't miss her when we're apart.
I also haven't revealed my power level. She's on board with typical un-PC ideas like "It's shitty when they try to inject diversity into everything", and she has some based biblical takes. But I haven't tested her any further than that, such as with opinions like "We don't need a border wall when a couple pickup trucks with mounted machine guns would do the trick."
She ticks so many boxes on paper that I feel it'd be crazy to pull away. But I'm just not feeling anything. I can tell she's falling for me a lot more than I'm falling for her. I worry that if I can't love her, then who can I love? How am I going to find anyone else like this? And if I did, would I feel the same? Have I been alone too long to form a real relationship? Or have I been alone too long to see the specialness of a relationship when I find one?
I promise that ConPro is not the only place I'm looking to for advice. But I do want to hear what you have to say. Thanks, bros.
Eventually though I realized that what I wanted and what I needed in a wife were two very different things. Back then I was young and degenerate, and I wanted that passionate feeling of what I thought was love. I wanted excitement instead of stability, and physical attraction instead of emotional compatibility. I decided to commit to her, and after dating mostly long distance for almost four years, we got married. At the time I still felt like I was settling. Rationally I knew I was making the right decision but emotionally everything felt wrong and horrible. It was so bad that I can honestly say one of the hardest things I have ever done was walk out to the alter on my wedding day and stand there before God, feeling like a hypocrite and a failure.
Years later though, we are happily married with two beautiful children. She respects and cherishes me, and I love her more than I have loved any one in my life. When you're young and immature you never actually feel love. It's just a mixture of lust, jealousy, and horniness. Love is something you grow over time, intentionally, that can carry you through anything. You can be attracted to someone's body sexually, but as soon as they get fat, ugly, or old that disappears. If you love someone's body it's because you love their soul. I recommend you give this girl of yours a chance. Remember you're playing the long game, and a few years of anxiety when you're young and stupid is well worth a fulfilling marriage for the rest of your life.
The last thing I'll say is that about a year or so into our marriage I became extremely attracted to my wife. Even after two kids I still am (if you know what you're doing this doesn't actually change much), and she is to me. Appearance is way more malleable than you would think and after a year or so of eating right and exercising you're basically a new person. You are incredibly fortunate you have found such an excellent woman, especially in these times. I know you may not feel this way, but trust me that in a few years you certainly will. God be with you and feel free to reach out if you have questions.
Poetry.
I think there's a rare 1 out of 5000 that gets to marry their high school sweetheart, and just never sees or wants anyone else.
Nothing more attractive than your beautiful pregnant wife.