Keep in mind I’m a married adult completely independent of my parents.
Anyway, I stopped by their house today and they both started pestering me about recent socio-political and religious view changes my husband and I have had since we got married.
They’re upset we’ve gone more traditional (Anglican) and think we’re “going down the wrong path” (they’re boomer-brained evangelicals who couldn’t care less about tradition or Church authority). They think my husband is a “tyrant” (he leads and I follow, the way it should be). They basically shot down every explanation I had for them about my current views of the church, polity, sacraments, etc.
Then the jews came up.
Now, I’m not exactly *quiet* about (((them))) but I don’t go out of my way to talk about them either. Just a remark here or there. Well, they think I have “bitterness and hate” in my heart. They think my views on them are unfounded. They think I’m not educated about the situation.
Not really sure what to do about this. I stormed out before I said anything I would’ve regretted. My mom already apologized via text. But I’m obviously really upset and distraught about how they’re handling my rapid shift toward traditional values.
Have you guys been in this situation before? How in the world do I handle this? How do I not disappoint my own parents?
I was raised traditionally but with zionist, dispensationalist relatives. I can understand, it's difficult. I've learned in order to honor my parents I can't engage in certain discussions with them. For the health of our relationship, and to avoid devolving into harmful things we can't take back, I simply can't take on the burden of trying to change their mind. I can still speak the truth (respectfully, like you do, not "in their face") and they can still find it unpleasant, that's their right. But navigating conversations so they can remain fruitful and respectful is important if you want to continue to have a healthy relationship. You obviously love them and are hurt to be blindsided by them, and the fact your mom apologized bodes well.
Once upon a time my parents did something similar over another topic. If this happened again, I would meet them both for breakfast and give them a hug and say something like, "hey mom and dad, I know you are coming from a place of love and concern. Just because we have different beliefs doesn't mean we need to try to convince one another or insult one another. I'd like to have a respectful relationship between us all, so please know that I've heard your concerns but I am not going to be discussing them anymore. You can have trust that Husband and I are ok and feel convicted the Lord is leading us well. Now, what's new in your guys life? What looks good for breakfast?"
I know it's awkward and painful to navigate this now, but it truly is a blessing to be able to do this before children come. Once babies are in the mix, boundaries can become blurry and childhood issues can make emotions run high. You're setting the stage now, which will only help you later. Hang in there sister.
Regardless, I’ll keep my mouth shut for now and just enjoy time with family. This isn’t worth holding over anyone’s head.