I just wanted to post a prayer request here, my mother has been under some pretty intense spiritual attack recently, and I could really use prayers for her.
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1 year ago2 points(+0/-0/+2Score on mirror)2 children
Short and medium term are absolutely fucked. Seems like late Alzheimer’s, but it started when I was 19. If I need to do something–for myself or someone–it has to be done immediately when I think of it otherwise it’s just gone in five minutes. Gone. I no longer have control over what “sticks” in my head. Not stuff I *like* (used to like, at least), not stuff that was *important* (such as lessons I had just drilled an hour before a test; my professors were baffled because I did spectacularly during direct instruction but it was just gone when I was on my own), not “social” things (like whether or not I’ve met or seen someone before, or been somewhere, or…).
Jews stuck. Philosophy stuck. Economics stuck. Politics stuck. At least *in part*. Editing and writing my book has been hell because I often can’t forget something I’ve written even at the beginning of a chapter–never mind in other ones–by the time I get to the end of it. The whole point of my book is to draw all those connections between “seemingly unrelated” parts of life (with internal links to jump from one chapter to another illustrating this precisely) to show the reader what happened, what became of it, ✡who’s✡ responsible, and why they did it. So you can imagine how even being able to go back to find my own references is a problem when the best I can do is remember a two/three word phrase I wrote and use the search function to try to find unique instances of it…
I can’t afford anything other than the most basic medical tests, so there’s not a damned thing I can do to find out what it is. MRI/CAT/etc. would be out of pocket, which is just impossible. Even if I knew what it was, I couldn’t afford whatever treatment there’d be. Nootropics are all hoaxes. “There’s nothing *medically* wrong with you,” said my family doctor. Which is code for “these blood tests alone won’t be able to find anything.”
It’s whatever. I don’t remember a life with a working memory anymore anyway. And I already know how it’s going to end. No sense wasting emotion on it.
>Editing and writing my book has been hell because I often can’t forget something I’ve written even at the beginning of a chapter–never mind in other ones–by the time I get to the end of it. The whole point of my book is to draw all those connections between “seemingly unrelated” parts of life (with internal links to jump from one chapter to another illustrating this precisely) to show the reader what happened, what became of it, ✡who’s✡ responsible, and why they did it.
I think this is something that I find particularly inspiring and admirable: fighting through a life-changing disability to achieve something far greater than oneself. You're kind of like a modern-day Beethoven in that regard. He nearly killed himself when he found out when he was going deaf, and at that point he hadn't even written his 3rd symphony. Instead, he continued to commit himself fully to his craft, even as he became stone cold deaf in later life. That kind of perseverance is a true testament to our people.
I honestly know what you're feeling, although I know the cause of my bad memory and it's not medical. My memory issues are a result of my parents neglecting, malnourishing and isolating me my entire childhood. Basically any discipline I have I had to figure out myself. Memory-wise I feel 30 years older than I actually am and it puts a strain on my marriage because I'm constantly zoning out and forgetting things like some fat boomer.
Jews stuck. Philosophy stuck. Economics stuck. Politics stuck. At least *in part*. Editing and writing my book has been hell because I often can’t forget something I’ve written even at the beginning of a chapter–never mind in other ones–by the time I get to the end of it. The whole point of my book is to draw all those connections between “seemingly unrelated” parts of life (with internal links to jump from one chapter to another illustrating this precisely) to show the reader what happened, what became of it, ✡who’s✡ responsible, and why they did it. So you can imagine how even being able to go back to find my own references is a problem when the best I can do is remember a two/three word phrase I wrote and use the search function to try to find unique instances of it…
I can’t afford anything other than the most basic medical tests, so there’s not a damned thing I can do to find out what it is. MRI/CAT/etc. would be out of pocket, which is just impossible. Even if I knew what it was, I couldn’t afford whatever treatment there’d be. Nootropics are all hoaxes. “There’s nothing *medically* wrong with you,” said my family doctor. Which is code for “these blood tests alone won’t be able to find anything.”
It’s whatever. I don’t remember a life with a working memory anymore anyway. And I already know how it’s going to end. No sense wasting emotion on it.
I think this is something that I find particularly inspiring and admirable: fighting through a life-changing disability to achieve something far greater than oneself. You're kind of like a modern-day Beethoven in that regard. He nearly killed himself when he found out when he was going deaf, and at that point he hadn't even written his 3rd symphony. Instead, he continued to commit himself fully to his craft, even as he became stone cold deaf in later life. That kind of perseverance is a true testament to our people.