Writing the title made me see that it's not the hating per se that is consuming me but rather that the people fucking up the world, their greediness, their degeneracy, their arrogance, their pettiness, their indifference, their stupidity, their superficiality does not get punished.
I am Christian and i understand in an abstract way that they will be punished eventually but i does not help me get over it. Or maybe they will be all forgiven which only irritates me further even though i'm supposed to forgive them too. When all i can think of is that they should suffer (not die or anything, just pain. Not induced by me, just pain that happens to them in various ways)
I also know it's not up to me to judge but FUCK ME there are so many people that are transgressing so bad.
I want out of this rollercoaster of emotions. I don't want to be indifferent to all the evil in the world, i want to know what's happening but at the same time my reaction to people's actions is taking a real toll on my mental and physical health.
It's not like i can laser focus my hate towards them by quantum waves or something, it's only hurting me.
Overrule your judgements and hatred with boredom. You're familiar with the cycle by now. Become bored by your own reaction. At the first sign of reactive hate, say aloud "Ugh! That's boring. I know where that line of thinking leads and I'm tired of it." And mean it, too. Repeat as necessary. Watch how habitual solutions are the only correction to habitual problems.
Now, if you want to use this opportunity become greater, you're going to have to confront some uncomfortable truths about yourself, and especially your ego. You're going to have to understand why you desire this rhythmic hatred. And it's going to be a wall of text:
*So first, understand that you love to hate.*
The love I'm talking about isn't about affection and pleasure, but **sustained interest**. People who love their misfortune act like they hate it... but it's the only thing they want to talk about. They love the activity of complaining about being a victim of circumstances. They keep bringing their minds back to it. But ask them "what's so appealing about it?" and they'll shout "NOTHING!" ...well then why is it constantly attracting your fuckin attention? Why are you drawn to it?
The real answer is: self-image. Hear me out. The concept of "up" is meaningless without the concept of "down", and the concept of self is meaningless without the concept of others. That is, ego-self is a social construct. So are ego-others. The organisms themselves are real, but your mental map of them is not.
Your worldview is One. Your self-image, your socially projected image, your image of "people", and your image of "the world" are all actually one thing. When the clay is in the mold, it's not obvious that they are two perfectly complementary pieces. When someone wants to be a hero, it's not obvious to them that they are SEEKING someone to villainize, and therefore must live in a world where villains and victims are "real". (Now, don't lower your consciousness to the level of "but villains are real!" This is not about villains, this is about mindset.)
Point is, how you see yourself is "the mold", and how you see the world is "the molded clay". What's interesting to us is the seam, the line which connects, divides, and defines both halves. Most people don't examine the seam directly, because they're too caught up in *being it*. You have to step back contemplatively, *like we're doing right now*, in order to examine how common consciousness operates. We get primal thrills from "hold the line" and "us vs them", or more precisely: "I and not-I". Engaging in these mental activities is how you affirm your self-image as separate from your world-and-others-image. Knowing what you are and knowing what you're not is the same solitary knowing, merely *expressed* as halves.
>It's not like I can laser focus my hate towards them by quantum waves
Actually, you can. You're acting as a "quantum broadcast tower" right now, and your hatred is permeating the energetic space around you. That's what's harming your body.
If you want THEM to hate, you must take the complementary form. For example, there's no better way to cause someone to avoid questions than to ask too many. Inquisition is the complementary form of aloofness, and vice versa. **Pepe's smugjoy is the complementary form of the crying wojak seethe.** The "quantum laser" format is beaming your focused smugjoy at a target. They will start to become upset without understanding why.
But back to the topic at hand. Hatred of others is the complementary form of love for yourself. Human psychology will balance their weights. What this means is propaganda can slyly reduce self-love by magnifying hatred of others. It's actually better to hate yourself than to love yourself too little, because hate is closer to love.
You focus too little on yourself, or perhaps, you disgust yourself. Either way the fix here is you need to spend more time *progressively realizing a worthy ideal*. Do it for its own sake, not as a way to achieve something else. Money? Female attention? Gainz? Spiritual gainz? Livestock? Just do it because you want to achieve it. It will compete for the same thought-seconds as hatred of others, and eventually eclipse that hatred.
Sooner or later, you'll want to overcome the need for image and come to appreciate the ineffable way that you are part of Nature and therefore Everything. Look, anything that requires labels and symbols in order in to maintain itself is not a phenomenon happening in Reality. Inches are as REAL as Republicans. Humans are real, genes are real, categories and egos are... less real. Ironically, this kind of understanding is easier as you do more thinking in imagery.
I am a leaf on a tree, and as a leaf I care more about my veins than my stem, more about my stem than a neighboring one, more about my flower than a neighboring flower, more about my branch than a neighboring branch, more about my tree than my brother tree, more about my species than another species, and while as a leaf we all fall, the tree remains. What is ego to a wheel within a wheel? There's no need for me to be the best leaf. I don't need to hate a diseased branch to want it gone. A leaf that doesn't understand that it's part of something bigger will be terrified of falling. You can't be both self-aware and self-conscious.
Ego - that is, the public-facing personal concept of "self vs not-self" - evolved as a way to sort out one part of sexual market value: social status/prestige. Winning a public ego battle turns women on almost as much as winning a fistfight. Ego is a fucking muppet that we hold up to impress the other muppeteers, to determine pecking order. Everyone bragging about their life on facebook is so passionate about their ego muppets, LARPing as "themselves, but better". Those egos can't be maintained without external validation. So if it's not gonna get you laid or praised, then you're hammering a screw. You're confusing your self-image with yourself, so it hurts the mind when they're misaligned.
If you ditch the self-image entirely, you become the boundless "I Am", the aimless eternal vibration, the singer and the song, the limitless domain, also called the kingdom of heaven. You are dancing your way through life, instead of heaving and clunking. But that's a very different place from where your head's at, so no rush.
For now, just go do self-improvement shit for its own sake. Whatever appeals to you. More than an hour/day