Writing the title made me see that it's not the hating per se that is consuming me but rather that the people fucking up the world, their greediness, their degeneracy, their arrogance, their pettiness, their indifference, their stupidity, their superficiality does not get punished.
I am Christian and i understand in an abstract way that they will be punished eventually but i does not help me get over it. Or maybe they will be all forgiven which only irritates me further even though i'm supposed to forgive them too. When all i can think of is that they should suffer (not die or anything, just pain. Not induced by me, just pain that happens to them in various ways)
I also know it's not up to me to judge but FUCK ME there are so many people that are transgressing so bad.
I want out of this rollercoaster of emotions. I don't want to be indifferent to all the evil in the world, i want to know what's happening but at the same time my reaction to people's actions is taking a real toll on my mental and physical health.
It's not like i can laser focus my hate towards them by quantum waves or something, it's only hurting me.
i know it's not only not helping me, it's actively harming my mental and physical state
it's a feeling that does nothing on it's own