Consume Product

Tbh I have a lot, but most of my stories are more harrowing/perilous than fun in the whimsical sense.

One of my favorites is when I played Tom and Jerry with budget rent-a-cops.

In my old town, there was a large grocery store that I frequented for shopping, and I decided to start stealth camping there overnight. After getting away with it for a week straight, I awoke in the middle of the night to a harsh knock upon my window. Flashlight shining in.

I remained hidden and silent behind my window curtains until the guard gave up and retreated. Once he did, I crept into the driver's seat. As it happened, this grocery store was part of a shared multiplex with an auto parts store and a Taco Bell. But despite all being in the same parking lot, they were three separate properties—with separate security staffing solutions.

So I just rolled a hundred feet over to the nearest parking space belonging to the auto parts store, and resumed sleeping there for the remainder of the night.

But little did I know, even while inside that bubble of immunity, I was being watched.

The next morning, I went back to the grocery store lot to loiter and shop, and I eventually received *another* window knock—this time in broad daylight. Deciding to answer this time, I emerged from my cab curtain to find a pissed off gentleman in an Advanced Security uniform.

He accused me of parking overnight, which I denied, despite him claiming to have taken my plates and pointing out the presence of the store’s security cameras (which he didn't have access to as a third party affiliate.) Since I didn't budge—and therefore gave him nothing actionable—he escalated to veiled threats, implying he would come after me if he got fired over this. 😂

A few nights later, I decided to just sleep at the auto parts store, figuring being out of his jurisdiction would remedy the problem. But Paul Blart over there had other plans.

Early the next morning, I get *another knock.* Once again, I played dead until the figure retreated. Peeking out my window, I saw a compact hatchback branded with the logo of *Premier Security.* Advanced had called in backup from the company responsible for patrolling the neighboring property.

Since the car was camping out, facing towards me from the side, I snuck into my front seat, and made a rapid three point turn, fleeing the lot at an angle where the guard couldn't glimpse my face. Going down the grocery store strip, I whipped around the receiving entrance, escaping onto the main road.

However, as I headed for the first intersection, I saw Premier's cruiser peeking onto the road from the parking lot—positioned to intercept me in his line of sight. Before reaching him, I pulled a quick uey through a gas station, retreating in the opposite direction…

*Only to find Advanced Security, waiting in his truck at the edge of the lot I had just fled from.*

The mall cops had coordinated a pincer maneuver.

However, being mall cops, they couldn't chase me. Only stare menacingly. I ducked my head down as I passed, concealing my face from the truck. Free at last, I disappeared into the refuge of my 9-6 at the local O'Reilly.

A few weeks later, I returned to the lot and decided to sleep at the Taco Bell—and was never bothered again. I guess they didn't have a security guard. 😂

I can also tell you about the three-tier policing that exists for overnighters across various Walmarts, and tales from deep in the BLM roads.

What's AO? Approach Orientation?