This sounds like a total ragebait post. And honestly, I wish it was. I take an hour to fall asleep, because guilt and indecision is on my mind.
...
Most of my friends are girls, but by some really bad luck, they moved away, and now I have about two distant girl friends left in this town, and two guy friends. Anyway, I'm Christian, although a bad one, but maybe that's a very catholic thing to say. And by bad, it's because I argue with my sister sometimes or procrastinate. And they know I wait until marriage. Although, I think a part of me wanted to do that less out of religious conviction, but more out of never wanting to belong to anyone ever, and totally mistrusting men. (sorry for the boyphobia, but when my best friend got assaulted i just got so angry at guys, but im not like that anymore)
And both these guys know about each other, and that I only call them friends, but they both would marry me and talk wanting a future. I feel really terrible when guys like me, because then I'm responsible for how someone feels. That's why I only call them friends. I don't want to lead them on, I only wear my big brown sweater and big jeans, I am explicit in friendly intentions.
...
But I would like to get married. Because then you can have a family, and also SEX (i unfortunately think of sex a lot and am a ball of hormones, and don't know if that will calm down). Although, I'd rather be alone than disappoint someone, maybe it's what I deserve. I have fun with my own company and my guitar and reading about diseases on wikipedia.
...
Anyway, the first guy is perfect on paper. He's incredibly smart, like would learn a language by watching a show, or about a difficult concept by half heartedly watching youtube- he just isn't pretentious about it. We have the exact same sense of humour, and can talk for hours incessantly, and debate, and understand each other entirely. He threw up on me once, so we are close. He is of the same background as me nationality wise, and is tall so I guess my sons wouldn't sneed at me for their future height? Although I am a little tall too. However, I feel nothing for the first guy. Even if I would like to, it is more of a comfortable affection, like for my siblings. Maybe that came from the fact that I saw myself as a mother figure to him, despite being young and the same age. But he, along with the girl who moved away, is the best friend I've ever had, and I mean that very sincerely. He is empathetic, yet doesn't change for others, very intelligent, similar background, and we have a lot of fun.
...
The second guy is from a different background but still european. We have a slightly different sense of humour, definitely kind of clever, but not as much as the first guy. He's the same height as me, even though he's a guy, but that's because he's not northern european like me, but southern, but I think brown eyes are really pretty because no one in my immediate family has them, they look gentle and thoughtful. I know he likes me a lot (and that makes me feel very guilty and responsible, even though I never tried to seduce him) and I like him too. When I sit next to him he says he thinks he might throw up, but he says it's in a happy way, and that's why his hands shake too. And my heart beats really fast when he's there, and hurts a little when I have to wait to see him again. And there is a pure affection, like wanting to make sure he eats and sleeps enough, and enjoying silence together. I feel quite cared for in a way I don't know what to do with, when he's there.
...
So yeah. The first is my best friend, taller, smarter, hilarious, same background, very good companionship- but I feel no attraction. The second is a great friend, slightly different background, we have fun together, and I am attracted, even if we have less in common.
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I am going to have to pick one, or be alone. And If this 'love' feeling fades, and is unimportant to marriage in general, I'd pick the first- we have way more in common. If the 'love' feeling and mutual chemistry is important, even if it ebbs and fades, I'd pick the second. I really can only imagine kissing and stuff with the second one. Can one even build attraction?
And by the way, I would understand if either moved on from me and met someone. It would be a little saddening, but I would rest easier, because choice is a big burden, and I would not be angry, they both deserve happiness, I'd take the L. I feel almost sick that I have such an effect on two people. And guilty for being conflicted.
...
(yes this is a hand wave account but i was here since day 1, i was a kid then and this place honestly raised me in a way. miss rightsidefunding posting, learned a lot)
...
Most of my friends are girls, but by some really bad luck, they moved away, and now I have about two distant girl friends left in this town, and two guy friends. Anyway, I'm Christian, although a bad one, but maybe that's a very catholic thing to say. And by bad, it's because I argue with my sister sometimes or procrastinate. And they know I wait until marriage. Although, I think a part of me wanted to do that less out of religious conviction, but more out of never wanting to belong to anyone ever, and totally mistrusting men. (sorry for the boyphobia, but when my best friend got assaulted i just got so angry at guys, but im not like that anymore)
And both these guys know about each other, and that I only call them friends, but they both would marry me and talk wanting a future. I feel really terrible when guys like me, because then I'm responsible for how someone feels. That's why I only call them friends. I don't want to lead them on, I only wear my big brown sweater and big jeans, I am explicit in friendly intentions.
...
But I would like to get married. Because then you can have a family, and also SEX (i unfortunately think of sex a lot and am a ball of hormones, and don't know if that will calm down). Although, I'd rather be alone than disappoint someone, maybe it's what I deserve. I have fun with my own company and my guitar and reading about diseases on wikipedia.
...
Anyway, the first guy is perfect on paper. He's incredibly smart, like would learn a language by watching a show, or about a difficult concept by half heartedly watching youtube- he just isn't pretentious about it. We have the exact same sense of humour, and can talk for hours incessantly, and debate, and understand each other entirely. He threw up on me once, so we are close. He is of the same background as me nationality wise, and is tall so I guess my sons wouldn't sneed at me for their future height? Although I am a little tall too. However, I feel nothing for the first guy. Even if I would like to, it is more of a comfortable affection, like for my siblings. Maybe that came from the fact that I saw myself as a mother figure to him, despite being young and the same age. But he, along with the girl who moved away, is the best friend I've ever had, and I mean that very sincerely. He is empathetic, yet doesn't change for others, very intelligent, similar background, and we have a lot of fun.
...
The second guy is from a different background but still european. We have a slightly different sense of humour, definitely kind of clever, but not as much as the first guy. He's the same height as me, even though he's a guy, but that's because he's not northern european like me, but southern, but I think brown eyes are really pretty because no one in my immediate family has them, they look gentle and thoughtful. I know he likes me a lot (and that makes me feel very guilty and responsible, even though I never tried to seduce him) and I like him too. When I sit next to him he says he thinks he might throw up, but he says it's in a happy way, and that's why his hands shake too. And my heart beats really fast when he's there, and hurts a little when I have to wait to see him again. And there is a pure affection, like wanting to make sure he eats and sleeps enough, and enjoying silence together. I feel quite cared for in a way I don't know what to do with, when he's there.
...
So yeah. The first is my best friend, taller, smarter, hilarious, same background, very good companionship- but I feel no attraction. The second is a great friend, slightly different background, we have fun together, and I am attracted, even if we have less in common.
...
I am going to have to pick one, or be alone. And If this 'love' feeling fades, and is unimportant to marriage in general, I'd pick the first- we have way more in common. If the 'love' feeling and mutual chemistry is important, even if it ebbs and fades, I'd pick the second. I really can only imagine kissing and stuff with the second one. Can one even build attraction?
And by the way, I would understand if either moved on from me and met someone. It would be a little saddening, but I would rest easier, because choice is a big burden, and I would not be angry, they both deserve happiness, I'd take the L. I feel almost sick that I have such an effect on two people. And guilty for being conflicted.
...
(yes this is a hand wave account but i was here since day 1, i was a kid then and this place honestly raised me in a way. miss rightsidefunding posting, learned a lot)
But that's just sex, and it's only ONE element in a relationship. 99% of the time there will have a lot of interactions that isn't sex: Talking, shopping, going out, having children, sleeping, etc. So if you build on that 1% of the total time together, and the remaining 99% isn't optimal, your instinctual urges made you choose irrationally. Make sure however that your intellects are on a similar level - otherwise either or both of you will suffer on the long-term.
From what you described, the first one appears to be the ideal man. However it depends on the personality and convictions. As a woman, you are subject to have your views changed by a man over time, so you better get one whose views do not collide with yours. It may happen vice versa too, but if that happens, you'll hate him for being weak subconsciously, especially if it's some liberal-feminist ideology, and especially if the method is controlling him via your pussy. I am not sure about convincing rationally.
If either one is a nigger-loving idiot, he will use all his efforts, interests and cognitive abilities to stand for politics, ideologies and ideologues. It also implies that his level of perception of the world is on a very low level. That would make him extremely gullible and subject to ideologies and fanaticism. Like championing a politician or celebrity.
So be rational about it, and don't get distracted by your feelings of affection and sex. Both of those can and will change. Remember, a LOT of women are quite hedonistic, aiming for these traits, just to get mounted and dumped on a regular basis by the same, small group of men. It is NOT a feasible strategy. On a biological level it's something like a simplification, a means for an overall estimation of a man. But it is subject to deception and misconception. Use the knowledge you accrued, don't let your instincts make decisions for you... at least not all of them.
>Remember, a LOT of women are quite hedonistic, aiming for these traits, just to get mounted and dumped on a regular basis by the same, small group of men. It is NOT a feasible strategy. On a biological level it's something like a simplification, a means for an overall estimation of a man. But it is subject to deception and misconception
Trvke tbh and I wish men told women this more, it's a great reason to wait until marriage. I have 'turned off' many guys this way and don't regret it, it's a great filter, gets you to the ones who want to have families quicker.
Anyway. They're both based, but the first one would be the best partner for life stuff in general, our rapport is amazing and we have the most in common. So I will just cry for a month or two and get over it :/
Be engaged, and just do it. It's also a matter of practice and habit. Of course there is no "chemistry" with someone who is basically just a friend. He might feel similarly about you. It's something that needs to be built up IF it is meant to last. If it's something sporadic, like what women with body counts of 10+ have, it won't last long.
> but I would lose attraction to a guy who changed himself too much for me
That's something you cannot really force upon a person. A person needs to be like that. That should be a criterion for you to have. I for one do have a strong will, and changing my mind requires me to be convinced rationally. But I've seen guys who are soft and weak, who look like desperate pushovers.
There is also the option of communication, aka talking about things like this. Your expectations, his expectations, phenomena like this. That depends on your ability to communicate, your personality, and of course his. It is a common conception that the lack of communication is the source of most problems. While you may be able to do it anonymously in writing, it's different personally and verbally.
> So I will just cry for a month or two and get over it
Well, just don't do things you'll regret, including not doing them. It's better to try and fail than to not try at all. While it's typical that men pursue women, there are men who do not play that game for whatever reason. If a good woman approaches them, they're good to go along. Otherwise they're also fine to be alone.