This sounds like a total ragebait post. And honestly, I wish it was. I take an hour to fall asleep, because guilt and indecision is on my mind.
...
Most of my friends are girls, but by some really bad luck, they moved away, and now I have about two distant girl friends left in this town, and two guy friends. Anyway, I'm Christian, although a bad one, but maybe that's a very catholic thing to say. And by bad, it's because I argue with my sister sometimes or procrastinate. And they know I wait until marriage. Although, I think a part of me wanted to do that less out of religious conviction, but more out of never wanting to belong to anyone ever, and totally mistrusting men. (sorry for the boyphobia, but when my best friend got assaulted i just got so angry at guys, but im not like that anymore)
And both these guys know about each other, and that I only call them friends, but they both would marry me and talk wanting a future. I feel really terrible when guys like me, because then I'm responsible for how someone feels. That's why I only call them friends. I don't want to lead them on, I only wear my big brown sweater and big jeans, I am explicit in friendly intentions.
...
But I would like to get married. Because then you can have a family, and also SEX (i unfortunately think of sex a lot and am a ball of hormones, and don't know if that will calm down). Although, I'd rather be alone than disappoint someone, maybe it's what I deserve. I have fun with my own company and my guitar and reading about diseases on wikipedia.
...
Anyway, the first guy is perfect on paper. He's incredibly smart, like would learn a language by watching a show, or about a difficult concept by half heartedly watching youtube- he just isn't pretentious about it. We have the exact same sense of humour, and can talk for hours incessantly, and debate, and understand each other entirely. He threw up on me once, so we are close. He is of the same background as me nationality wise, and is tall so I guess my sons wouldn't sneed at me for their future height? Although I am a little tall too. However, I feel nothing for the first guy. Even if I would like to, it is more of a comfortable affection, like for my siblings. Maybe that came from the fact that I saw myself as a mother figure to him, despite being young and the same age. But he, along with the girl who moved away, is the best friend I've ever had, and I mean that very sincerely. He is empathetic, yet doesn't change for others, very intelligent, similar background, and we have a lot of fun.
...
The second guy is from a different background but still european. We have a slightly different sense of humour, definitely kind of clever, but not as much as the first guy. He's the same height as me, even though he's a guy, but that's because he's not northern european like me, but southern, but I think brown eyes are really pretty because no one in my immediate family has them, they look gentle and thoughtful. I know he likes me a lot (and that makes me feel very guilty and responsible, even though I never tried to seduce him) and I like him too. When I sit next to him he says he thinks he might throw up, but he says it's in a happy way, and that's why his hands shake too. And my heart beats really fast when he's there, and hurts a little when I have to wait to see him again. And there is a pure affection, like wanting to make sure he eats and sleeps enough, and enjoying silence together. I feel quite cared for in a way I don't know what to do with, when he's there.
...
So yeah. The first is my best friend, taller, smarter, hilarious, same background, very good companionship- but I feel no attraction. The second is a great friend, slightly different background, we have fun together, and I am attracted, even if we have less in common.
...
I am going to have to pick one, or be alone. And If this 'love' feeling fades, and is unimportant to marriage in general, I'd pick the first- we have way more in common. If the 'love' feeling and mutual chemistry is important, even if it ebbs and fades, I'd pick the second. I really can only imagine kissing and stuff with the second one. Can one even build attraction?
And by the way, I would understand if either moved on from me and met someone. It would be a little saddening, but I would rest easier, because choice is a big burden, and I would not be angry, they both deserve happiness, I'd take the L. I feel almost sick that I have such an effect on two people. And guilty for being conflicted.
...
(yes this is a hand wave account but i was here since day 1, i was a kid then and this place honestly raised me in a way. miss rightsidefunding posting, learned a lot)
...
Most of my friends are girls, but by some really bad luck, they moved away, and now I have about two distant girl friends left in this town, and two guy friends. Anyway, I'm Christian, although a bad one, but maybe that's a very catholic thing to say. And by bad, it's because I argue with my sister sometimes or procrastinate. And they know I wait until marriage. Although, I think a part of me wanted to do that less out of religious conviction, but more out of never wanting to belong to anyone ever, and totally mistrusting men. (sorry for the boyphobia, but when my best friend got assaulted i just got so angry at guys, but im not like that anymore)
And both these guys know about each other, and that I only call them friends, but they both would marry me and talk wanting a future. I feel really terrible when guys like me, because then I'm responsible for how someone feels. That's why I only call them friends. I don't want to lead them on, I only wear my big brown sweater and big jeans, I am explicit in friendly intentions.
...
But I would like to get married. Because then you can have a family, and also SEX (i unfortunately think of sex a lot and am a ball of hormones, and don't know if that will calm down). Although, I'd rather be alone than disappoint someone, maybe it's what I deserve. I have fun with my own company and my guitar and reading about diseases on wikipedia.
...
Anyway, the first guy is perfect on paper. He's incredibly smart, like would learn a language by watching a show, or about a difficult concept by half heartedly watching youtube- he just isn't pretentious about it. We have the exact same sense of humour, and can talk for hours incessantly, and debate, and understand each other entirely. He threw up on me once, so we are close. He is of the same background as me nationality wise, and is tall so I guess my sons wouldn't sneed at me for their future height? Although I am a little tall too. However, I feel nothing for the first guy. Even if I would like to, it is more of a comfortable affection, like for my siblings. Maybe that came from the fact that I saw myself as a mother figure to him, despite being young and the same age. But he, along with the girl who moved away, is the best friend I've ever had, and I mean that very sincerely. He is empathetic, yet doesn't change for others, very intelligent, similar background, and we have a lot of fun.
...
The second guy is from a different background but still european. We have a slightly different sense of humour, definitely kind of clever, but not as much as the first guy. He's the same height as me, even though he's a guy, but that's because he's not northern european like me, but southern, but I think brown eyes are really pretty because no one in my immediate family has them, they look gentle and thoughtful. I know he likes me a lot (and that makes me feel very guilty and responsible, even though I never tried to seduce him) and I like him too. When I sit next to him he says he thinks he might throw up, but he says it's in a happy way, and that's why his hands shake too. And my heart beats really fast when he's there, and hurts a little when I have to wait to see him again. And there is a pure affection, like wanting to make sure he eats and sleeps enough, and enjoying silence together. I feel quite cared for in a way I don't know what to do with, when he's there.
...
So yeah. The first is my best friend, taller, smarter, hilarious, same background, very good companionship- but I feel no attraction. The second is a great friend, slightly different background, we have fun together, and I am attracted, even if we have less in common.
...
I am going to have to pick one, or be alone. And If this 'love' feeling fades, and is unimportant to marriage in general, I'd pick the first- we have way more in common. If the 'love' feeling and mutual chemistry is important, even if it ebbs and fades, I'd pick the second. I really can only imagine kissing and stuff with the second one. Can one even build attraction?
And by the way, I would understand if either moved on from me and met someone. It would be a little saddening, but I would rest easier, because choice is a big burden, and I would not be angry, they both deserve happiness, I'd take the L. I feel almost sick that I have such an effect on two people. And guilty for being conflicted.
...
(yes this is a hand wave account but i was here since day 1, i was a kid then and this place honestly raised me in a way. miss rightsidefunding posting, learned a lot)
i'm going to say my piece: get yourself a man who is actually racially conscious of the treasure of his blood, and the blood of his children
give your two suiters a test: ask them what they think about migrants/pajeets/niggers/jews and see how they respond
if you are JQ aware, so should they, and if they give NPC responses then none of them are worth your time.