Do you consume any of these products?
(media.scored.co)
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**LIES! LIES I TELL YOU!!!**
[hands wringing intensifies]
O cursed hour, O wretched fate,
That gave me joy, but now doth sate
My hunger with a hollow taste,
A feast of falsehood, now laid waste!
For Doritos, thou hast turned thy cheek,
Once golden crisps, now bitter, weak,
No longer crisp nor fair in hue,
But filled with sorrow, foul and true.
Where once thy flavor didst ignite
A fire within, a fierce delight,
Now all is dust, all is decay,
And with each bite, I lose my way.
Thou art a traitor, vile and mean,
A mockery of what once had been!
And thou, O Mountain Dew, thou art no friend!
Thy bubbling promise doth pretend
To quench my thirst and lift my soul,
But now thy sweetness taketh toll.
For every sip, a venom's kiss,
A fleeting joy, a fleeting bliss.
Thy once-bright green, so fair and bold,
Now taste like poison, stale and cold.
O double treachery! O heinous lie!
I trusted thee, yet both have cast me by.
For what are these? Mere shadows now,
Their promises broken, their lies unbowed.
My lips, once kissed by salty cheer,
Now tremble with hopelessness and fear.
And what of thee, O Dew divine?
Thy bubbles burst, thy taste malign.
Is this the price for careless crave?
A heart betrayed, a soul enslave?
O Doritos, thou art but dust,
And Mountain Dew, I place no trust.
Foul betrayals by snacks I loved—
By brands so proud, so high above.
Yet now, they leave me cold and dry,
With nothing left but bitter sigh.
So mark my words, O world of light,
No longer shall I roam the night
In search of those false joys once near.
I cast thee off, and shed the tear
For the friendship lost, the hunger quenched,
By brands whose loyalty was wrenched.
Kids swore to me the piggly wiggly brand wasn't as good as the name brand but it was the same fucking ingredients.