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"I can fix her"-core

Let's be honest here: everything you described about her amounts to a *lot* of bad shit, even relative to the modern woman. On paper, it sounds like a physical impossibility that she is not extremely fucked up and unfit for motherhood. Women are notoriously good at hiding their crazy, especially if you aren't diligently looking for it.

That being said, if you're serious about vetting her, my two cents would be to play the long game up to marriage, I.E. date for at least a couple years, and pay extremely close attention during that time. Something I will say, though...

> Also she's been on birth control since before I knew her.

You've already got a massive red flag right off the bat. Birth control fucks up a woman's emotional state. First thing's first, you would need to spend an extended period of time around her completely off of that stuff and see if she's even still the same person. Lots of stories about women going on/off birth control and completely losing attraction to their partner.

It’s not her fault that she was abused as a child. You can cut her some slack for that, but don’t be blind to the signs if it simply isn’t going to work out.


There is no excuse for you being a degenerate, stop that shit immediately. Don’t for one second think that you deserve anything but a degenerate unless you fix yourself first. Also this girl will naturally look to you for guidance. If you’re a fucking loser who doesn’t have his shit together, what do you think her behavior will be like?


Your relationship should focus on fostering a healthy lifestyle that avoids all kinds vices and toxic behaviors. Then after 2 to 3 years of learning who she is and cleaning up your act, decide if you want to marry her.

I knew a girl like that once, she's not worth your time. Soon as her abuser gets out of prison, she'll go right back. Then something bad happens, and she'll come back to you begging for money and help. Avoid these freaks like the plague.

Listen to your heart, not your dick or MGTOW/Incels on the internet.

'White Knight' in the making.

This poor sap is going to learn the hard way ...

I'm sure you have seen the quote "the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior". It's certainly possible that she has evolved from her whorish ways, but that's quite a gamble to take on your part and you're not going to be able to properly assess the legitimacy of her "transformation" over the duration of only a few months.

None of us are privy to the specifics of your life / situation, so you will have to decide if you are comfortable taking on that level of risk given your specific circumstances. If you decide it's a gamble you want/need to take, you must extend the courtship process over a much longer period of time and vigilantly assess her, specifically as she deals with different trials and tribulations to see how she responds.

It goes without saying, but this obviously has the potential for life altering consequences if you misread the situation and commit to a woman who still has promiscuous tendencies and repressed trauma.

> Does her past really matter?

Yes. So does yours.

> Have I lowered my standards too much?

Yes, and you should.

> I also enjoy her presence and her personality.

That's good. Be sure you are right about this, because that one is very important.

> If I leave her, what do I do?

Further lower your standards and get together with a worse woman?

> but also I can't really ignore the reality of the situation

You were a whore, she was a whore. It's bad, but it is what it is, and more reflective as of society as a whole than you personally. Do you think you are in position to demand purity from a woman? According to what you wrote, certainly not.

> This whole thing has been driving me insane for several weeks

It shouldn't. It should concern you at least however.

> Also the fact that my feelings on the matter seem to be heavily influenced by my sexual urges

Yeah, that's somewhat natural. A relationship isn't an orchestra of altruism. It's a give and take, that ultimately forms into a relationship where both of you want the other to be happy, where a benefit to one makes the other content as well. But to develop these feelings requires time and a development of trust and familiarity.

> me think I'm just never gonna be able to assess this rationally

It seems like you'll have to make it work, and it won't be easy. Continue to be together with her and see how it develops. If red flags emerge, deal with them if they arrive. But if it looks good enough, go for it. Try it.

> Also she's been on birth control since before I knew her.

That one is a problem. Birth control alters the mind, so you should tell her to no longer take it for her own sake. Explain it to her, and if necessary, look up the reasoning yourself.

You can fix her with Jesus' help. Similar situation OP. Wife and I weren't saints before being saved.

Lead super strong in courtship her family freaked out so we eloped. Have had 5 boys in 6 years. Keep her obedient and she will adore you. Women who have had damage are the hard road and need more attention. They know they need the strong leadership.

My wife adores me and calls me her savior.

Ephesians 5 23-27
For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

I rule my wife as God commands and spank her when she disobeys. Also give her lots of Sex. Women have a higher drive then men do especially after 6 years of marriage. Women feel loved when being lead physically. Men feel loved when they are respected and obeyed.

TLDR be a man and lead 100% and she will adore you for saving her from her family and her self. Can only do it in Jesus.

"We follow Jesus or I walk" every second of courtship. Once married "We follow Jesus or we both go to hell for eternity".

I married a woman who both sexually and physically abused as a girl. She was raped by a cousin at 11 and had her first abortion at 14. Her father was a mean bastard and used to wail on the kids until he came to sanity 30 years later and humbly apologized to his children. His repentance and remorse were genuine.

There are problems in marrying a woman like that. To begin with, abuse tends to create a narcissistic personality. The promiscuity can be eliminated by long-term behavior control, as can the narcissism, but you have to keep on top of it all the time.

I've been married for 37 years to the same woman. It's been challenging. She exhibited all of the traits of someone who was sexually abused, although I didn't know it at the time. I learned slowly over the years what she was doing and why, and it's been a real learning experience. It's also been difficult because her narcissism never let her accept that her behavior was something she could control and that she needed to accept responsibility for it. Yes, she was very damaged, and that wasn't her fault, but her acting out was her own behavior, and she could control that. Over time, she gained a great deal of self-awareness and apologized to me for making my life difficult. She's also aware that I was and am the only one who's ever had her best interests at heart.

Was it worth it? It's hard to say. If I knew then what I know now, it would have been much easier. We knew each other for years before we married, but I think I still didn't know her well enough when we married.

I agree that you need to stop having sex, get her off birth control, and agree to a long engagement so you get to know each other much, much better. Women in general put up a defensive personality to hide their basic default crazy personality, and you'll need to time, years at least, to see that side of her before you actually marry her.

Keep in mind that she was not a "slut" per se, she was merely promiscuous, a result of her diminished self-esteem and confidence caused by her abuse. She was looking for the affection she clearly didn't receive at home as a teenager. Don't excuse her behavior, but accept that's where it came from.

Fucked up past, blaming "how she is" on that past, the fact she's on birth control means you're eating pussy a hundred men have nutted in. Haunted pussy.

How many is alot of men exactly? Are we talking about 5 or 50?

Jerk off, and THEN make a decision so your decision is not affected by being horny. Objectively, there are plenty of less broken women out there.

SIMP LOL good luck

Don't waste your time on her, just chill

If she’s been on birth control that long, she has a lot of men’s DNA in her. Bit different than if she just always used condoms. Not saying it’s ok to have lots of sex, but something to think about.

Also, there’s some mental issues that I’m not sure will be good long term…

blind obedience is retarded. It'd be the equivalent to you marrying a robot. Do you want a robot to raise your kids? a bland clingy woman with no personality can get suffocating very, very fast.

On the past part, you deserve each other. You are both degenerates.

Sometimes, people change. Sometimes, they are changed.

Sometimes they are neither.

Sounds like you are both damaged goods, so maybe you're perfect for each other, but nobody can roll those dice but you.

Do not underestimate chimerism, female spermatozoa retention, and the psychological impact it will have on your relationship.

That being said, search yourself to see if you can see her raising her children.

This union will be based on your sexual urge, which does not define you. When you eventually mature and outgrow this idea of who you think you are, then the union is broken. Are you ready to perform your duties in this current state?

“I know she was abused by some relative as she was very young and that made her like that. I also know she got pregnant once at 14 and was forced to terminate by her horrible parents, and she was unsurprisingly traumatized by this event.”

>she was abused by some relative as she was very young and that made her like that. I also know she got pregnant once at 14 and was forced to terminate by her horrible parents, and she was unsurprisingly traumatized by this event. Also she's been on birth control since before I knew her.

Christ that's a lot of damage... You'll have to work a lot to re-attach all the broken pieces back into her soul (or what's left of it)

But overall damaged goods doesn't mean the goods are bad, if the base is made from good wood, and her desire to be a mother is genuine i'd say she can be saved by the love of Jesus Christ

You too i'd might add, since sin can be forgiven if there is a genuine desire to change...

Random thoughts;
- get advise from wise family and friends who have met her
  - people who have made good decisions
  - they are uninvested and can see a lot more than you are telling us.
  - about you, her, and both of you together
- has she worked through her past and dealt with the emotions and morality of it? Unless she has turned up Jesus, she probably has not.
- are you ready to be disciplined? You need to be able to not have sex or sexual stimulation.
- if you decide to go ahead, get couples counseling.
  - pre-marriage and post. At least 7 years.
  - it can be professional, or just an older couple willing to commit and ask the scary questions.

Real life is messy. Id keep dating her. You should get her off birth control though. It changes a woman's personality and you want to know what the real her is like.

 You absolute cuckhold, you never learn do you? She is used goods man. Do the honors by repeating the cycle and pump and dump her ass.

If your a whoremonger, I recommend you either get that vice out of your life first. Both of you are kinda defective, and theres an equal likelyhood that you get worse being together as it is you improve. I recommend you both find Jesus.

On some level we all have to make compromises. I think what's more important here is what she thinks of her past. Is she going to encourage her daughter to sleep around for fun? Are her friends bad influences? Do you think she's a risk for cheating?

These are the things I'd be asking myself, it's not possible for everyone to marry someone who's always been a good person, especially as we get older.

I don't have time right now but I'll post later all the biblical passages about whore in the Bible.

So one of my friends from high school fell into the same situation. He's not a white knight. He found a gal that doesn't cause him drama. She's got a checkered past. They just had a kid together. All of us are aware of her past, but we don't run her out of town for it. She might have a shot at redemption thru him. It's not the same concept of him saving her.

Just ran across this. May want to read through it.

https://www.ar15.com/forums/General/Some-advice-for-those-who-have-yet-to-get-married-/5-2780932/

If you think you’re going to find a perfect woman I have this bridge you might be interested in buying. You can set up a toll.

> I feel like she might make for a good wife despite all of that shit

Imbecile.

As you said you are not a saint yourself, so it sounds like two sinners could find the way to God together. But give it more time and be careful with (((marriage))) (or do it by church only somehow).

You play stupid games you will win stupid prices.

Some advice I didn't yet see mentioned here.. Ask about her relationship with her Father. Are they close? Is he a Christian? Observe her relationship with her Father and family. That will tell you a lot about what kind of person she is or will become.

If she is not a liberal, she is better than 80% of the women out there.

For a virgin male, a wife who had one other partner is too much. Most men feel uncomfortable with being with a women who have had more sexual partners than he had. Since both of you have had plenty, the issue seems to be moot. Especially if it doesn't bother you.

Sounds a bit sketchy. Maybe get a prenup if you do decide to marry.

That way, the only thing you're really risking is emotional damage when/if it goes downhill.