(Throwaway account cause I don't wanna get doxxed)
First of all, I'm gonna make it clear I'm not exactly a saint, I had sex with many girls myself and I feel like I wouldn't have the strength to stop unless I got a stable relationship, I can't imagine just not having sex for an extended period. You could say I'm addicted.
Anyway, a few months ago I had casual sex with a girl and since it was good and we live close by that led into some kind of relationship. I since learned that before she met me she had lots of sex with different men, and as far as I know she never caught feelings for any of them, and yet she seems to be in love with me. I know she was abused by some relative as she was very young and that made her like that. I also know she got pregnant once at 14 and was forced to terminate by her horrible parents, and she was unsurprisingly traumatized by this event. Also she's been on birth control since before I knew her.
The reason I'm typing all of this is that for some reason I feel like she might make for a good wife despite all of that shit. She is extremely obedient. She seems to be willing to do anything for me. We've also never had any arguments, even if she thinks I'm wrong or I'm wronging her she just understands she's got no choice and goes along with it. She expressed the desire to have a family and it's clear she wants it specifically with me. I also enjoy her presence and her personality.
Does her past really matter? Have I lowered my standards too much? If I leave her, what do I do? I really would like to just stop worrying and be happy with this woman, but also I can't really ignore the reality of the situation and I feel like this might not end well. This whole thing has been driving me insane for several weeks and I just can't make up my mind. Also the fact that my feelings on the matter seem to be heavily influenced by my sexual urges makes me think I'm just never gonna be able to assess this rationally.
Any help is very appreciated.
Yes. So does yours.
> Have I lowered my standards too much?
Yes, and you should.
> I also enjoy her presence and her personality.
That's good. Be sure you are right about this, because that one is very important.
> If I leave her, what do I do?
Further lower your standards and get together with a worse woman?
> but also I can't really ignore the reality of the situation
You were a whore, she was a whore. It's bad, but it is what it is, and more reflective as of society as a whole than you personally. Do you think you are in position to demand purity from a woman? According to what you wrote, certainly not.
> This whole thing has been driving me insane for several weeks
It shouldn't. It should concern you at least however.
> Also the fact that my feelings on the matter seem to be heavily influenced by my sexual urges
Yeah, that's somewhat natural. A relationship isn't an orchestra of altruism. It's a give and take, that ultimately forms into a relationship where both of you want the other to be happy, where a benefit to one makes the other content as well. But to develop these feelings requires time and a development of trust and familiarity.
> me think I'm just never gonna be able to assess this rationally
It seems like you'll have to make it work, and it won't be easy. Continue to be together with her and see how it develops. If red flags emerge, deal with them if they arrive. But if it looks good enough, go for it. Try it.
> Also she's been on birth control since before I knew her.
That one is a problem. Birth control alters the mind, so you should tell her to no longer take it for her own sake. Explain it to her, and if necessary, look up the reasoning yourself.