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Fabius on scored.co
7 hours ago3 points(+0/-0/+3Score on mirror)2 children
I'm just going to critique your writing.
Clean it up. You seem to be in love with your own voice. Is your goal to preen yourself or to communicate an idea? I read half of what you wrote and I gave up after having no idea what you were talking about.
Read this and take it to heart:
https://www.orwell.ru/library/essays/politics/english/e_polit
This short essay is better than any college class on writing, any shitty youtube video. Read it and then read it again to understand it.
If you think I'm being hard on you, consider that I've taken the time to actually read what you wrote, and then further time to give you feedback. You have a good command of the English language, but your diction sucks. You sound young, and that's fine. Read the essay.
Clean it up. You seem to be in love with your own voice. Is your goal to preen yourself or to communicate an idea? I read half of what you wrote and I gave up after having no idea what you were talking about.
Read this and take it to heart:
https://www.orwell.ru/library/essays/politics/english/e_polit
This short essay is better than any college class on writing, any shitty youtube video. Read it and then read it again to understand it.
If you think I'm being hard on you, consider that I've taken the time to actually read what you wrote, and then further time to give you feedback. You have a good command of the English language, but your diction sucks. You sound young, and that's fine. Read the essay.
I considered — for a fraction of a second — rewriting it; but if I do rewrite it, I'm still keeping the old version available