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Breadpilled on scored.co
1 month ago10 points(+0/-0/+10Score on mirror)5 children
This was really hard to watch.
Aside from having the wherewithal to not broadcast her narcissism on social media, my mother was just like this. Never held me, and forbid anyone else from holding me. Locked me in a dark room as an infant for hours anytime I cried. Beat me violently from a young age for small infractions. Regularly staged acts of emotional sadism purely for the purpose of terrrorizing me and destabilizing my psyche.
For a baby, being regularly held/soothed by a caregiver is literally a developmental milestone, key to giving you a psychic template for what safety feels like. If it never forms, that shit *seriously* fucks you up. It teaches your nervous system: "No one is coming. Having needs means I will die, unless I can meet them myself. If my mother is treating me this way, there is something inherently wrong with me."
You live in a constant soft PTSD state. You hate yourself. You have an extremely difficult time sustaining or forming any sort of intimacy, especially romantic or sexual. You develop deeply maladaptive coping behaviors as a survival mechanism. There's an aching, bleeding hole in your chest that nothing can ever fill—save for the love you were never given.
To this day I've been unable to fully recover from the things that woman did to me. Every day I wake up feeling like I was robbed of a fair chance at life.
Anyway, sorry for trauma dumping. Long story short, I'd love to take this woman out behind her self driving car and introduce her to the large end of a ball peen hammer.
Sadly, society seems to not appreciate the stay at home mother. If we championed these women then women would aspire to be mothers and wives. Instead the dirty lying satanic deceptive jew brainwashes women to believe that being a career woman is high aspiration. In the video she says she wishes she was a husband who just had to go to work, be appreciated at work just for putting on deoderant. She wants to be a man. She thinks working a career is what a woman should get to do.
But I've seen career women in the twilight of their careers, in their late 50s or still working in their early 60s to max out their pensions (greed). They have no husbands, no children, at least 3 cats. They live miserable lives. They are the ones who watch jimmy kimmel or stephen colbert at night. Alone. Glass of cheap box wine. The smell of cat piss looming from the laundry room. No sound of children's voices. A dried up prune vagina and sterile womb.
1 month ago2 points(+0/-0/+2Score on mirror)1 child
also why is she trying to get a 2 year old to play soccer? LOL kids don't begin sports until about age 5. She doesn't understand why her 2 year old wants to be held and won't play soccer instead? He has no concept of soccer other than maybe being interested in a ball. And yes a two year old should be held and breast fed and comforted in the warmth and love of a woman's bosom. This woman is cold and possessed by demon.
sorry about you losing the lottery on getting good mother. At least you are aware of it. How long did you personally suffer until you began to realize your mother's abuse was the cause of some of the mental health or character problems you struggle with? Perhaps you can meet a graceful woman to give your future sons or daughters an affectionate, loving, graceful mother and then you can have repaired a portion of the universe.
1 month ago1 point(+0/-0/+1Score on mirror)1 child
> also why is she trying to get a 2 year old to play soccer? LOL kids don't begin sports until about age 5.
Yeah this is definitely extreme example here, but it is another staple trait of these women. Since they don't see their children as having inherent worth, they need to shoehorn them into status-boosting activities that inflate their own egos. Mine did the same.
> How long did you personally suffer until you began to realize your mother's abuse was the cause of some of the mental health or character problems you struggle with?
It was more of a binary—and very trippy—event than a "beginning to realize" in my case. Kind of a long story but to condense it as much as I can:
I became subconsciously aware of it early on, but stayed with her up until my mid 20s. I was desperate to make her understand the ways she'd hurt me and show remorse, but when she proved to be a sociopath in the face of accountability over *years*, I gave up and just started performing surface warmth to milk her for resources. I originally started living in my van in her driveway after she purposely put me in a dangerous situation that made me realize I'm physically not safe remaining under her autonomy. I thought I was enacting "justice" by *taking* from her, but not really *loving* her.
But then I had a chance, erotically charged encounter with a woman online that utterly cracked me open. I staged an interaction where I "surrendered" myself to her in a whole, soul-embodied sense, and rather than abusing or ignoring it as she could have done, she warmly accepted it, and affectionately contained me with "ownership" framing.
Even though it was just a little D/s game we were playing, my limbic system unironically registered this as the first instance in my entire life where I had been safely "held" inside someone else's emotional infrastructure—as a baby experiences when it's being softly shushed in its mother's bosom. My animal brain immediately went: "Finally. There she is. *Mother.* **Attach."**
I proceeded to experience an earth-shattering flood of oxytocin that was more intense than some drug trips I've been on, and my body entered a state of visceral age regression for almost 90 minutes. I was unable to properly verbalize as my adult self. My limbs were heavy and floaty as I sobbed and screeched in a primal, pre-verbal infant voice—which under normal circumstances gets locked away in ancient memory after you grow up.
Basically I got to physically re-experience being that baby abandoned in a dark room all over again as an adult. It made me realize at the *body level* the sheer evil of what had been done to me, and that all the gaslighting, denial, and justification my mother had tried to pull over on me was *unforgivable.* And that by continuing to siphon her resources, I was only giving her ego an excuse to believe that what she'd done "wasn't that bad."
I moved my things out of her house less than a week later while she was at work, then promptly cut off all contact. I will never speak to her again.
> Perhaps you can meet a graceful woman to give your future sons or daughters an affectionate, loving, graceful mother and then you can have repaired a portion of the universe.
I've admittedly fantasized about that "redemption arc" quite a few times, but I'm honestly terrified to have children. *Maybe* I'd be able to love them as they deserve, but maybe I'd just ruin them despite my best intentions, and greatly multiply my sins, which already weigh on me like Atlas. I still feel like a half-feral child myself, subconsciously seeing women as erotic mother-surrogates to my own wound and not as future mothers of my children.
But ultimately I do believe God is the one who decides if a man is appointed to the role of husband and father—regardless of the man's own disposition towards the matter. So I'll just keep living and let Him decide.
You won't, I didnt, and it was about the same up bringing.
All I wanted was to make them, my parents, look like shit.
I remember when I was a child my step father spent 1k on my mother for Christmas and that was her best Christmas ever
I made damn sure she knows I spend 1k every fucking year, now going on 16, for my wife and more for my kids on Christmas.
I rub every damn thing in her face, she won't talk to me but she still gets my texts and I show her what life my family lives compared to her shit bag life
Now its clearly a sickness but its done in a way that makes my family better so it can't be all bad
Also I buy shit like last year my wife got a new fucking dishwasher and vacuum and I got a weed wacker so its not crappy Chinese shit
1 month ago1 point(+0/-0/+1Score on mirror)1 child
Brother, I understand deeper and harder then you may ever find again.
Dont friet you can always just make her look like a pos and make your life better
Dont let your child hood ruin you, be strong even if you have to take it a step at a time
I used to drink and smoke cigarettes every fucking day. I quit both and have started working out, I take my kids to learn all sorts of shit and I started working out.
My mother won't talk to me and my father apologized to me, but both have to deal with my children having a better up bringing then they could ever give and their lives are shit
1 month ago1 point(+0/-0/+1Score on mirror)1 child
Thanks for the encouragement. It is good to know someone else from a similar background managed to make it.
I used to have a severe PMO addiction from childhood as my coping mechanism, and I managed to get clean from it a couple years ago. Now I'm just trying to build savings and stability to be as ready as I can if I do meet the right woman.
1 month ago1 point(+0/-0/+1Score on mirror)1 child
I'm sure you've heard this before, but there is no such thing as the right woman. You just need to find someone willing tow rok through life's problems with you and shares enough big picture views, like having children, marriage, rent or own a home etc.
Yeah for sure. In my case I more mean meeting *any* woman in the first place. I grind 50 hours a week on night shift trucking while living in my van, so I don't really cross paths with women organically.
Unless I encounter an adventurous lady who buys into my "Homeless Hermit to Homeowner Husband" five year plan, I imagine I'll have better luck courting someone once I've actually saved up and bought property.
Aside from having the wherewithal to not broadcast her narcissism on social media, my mother was just like this. Never held me, and forbid anyone else from holding me. Locked me in a dark room as an infant for hours anytime I cried. Beat me violently from a young age for small infractions. Regularly staged acts of emotional sadism purely for the purpose of terrrorizing me and destabilizing my psyche.
For a baby, being regularly held/soothed by a caregiver is literally a developmental milestone, key to giving you a psychic template for what safety feels like. If it never forms, that shit *seriously* fucks you up. It teaches your nervous system: "No one is coming. Having needs means I will die, unless I can meet them myself. If my mother is treating me this way, there is something inherently wrong with me."
You live in a constant soft PTSD state. You hate yourself. You have an extremely difficult time sustaining or forming any sort of intimacy, especially romantic or sexual. You develop deeply maladaptive coping behaviors as a survival mechanism. There's an aching, bleeding hole in your chest that nothing can ever fill—save for the love you were never given.
To this day I've been unable to fully recover from the things that woman did to me. Every day I wake up feeling like I was robbed of a fair chance at life.
Anyway, sorry for trauma dumping. Long story short, I'd love to take this woman out behind her self driving car and introduce her to the large end of a ball peen hammer.
But I've seen career women in the twilight of their careers, in their late 50s or still working in their early 60s to max out their pensions (greed). They have no husbands, no children, at least 3 cats. They live miserable lives. They are the ones who watch jimmy kimmel or stephen colbert at night. Alone. Glass of cheap box wine. The smell of cat piss looming from the laundry room. No sound of children's voices. A dried up prune vagina and sterile womb.
sorry about you losing the lottery on getting good mother. At least you are aware of it. How long did you personally suffer until you began to realize your mother's abuse was the cause of some of the mental health or character problems you struggle with? Perhaps you can meet a graceful woman to give your future sons or daughters an affectionate, loving, graceful mother and then you can have repaired a portion of the universe.
Yeah this is definitely extreme example here, but it is another staple trait of these women. Since they don't see their children as having inherent worth, they need to shoehorn them into status-boosting activities that inflate their own egos. Mine did the same.
> How long did you personally suffer until you began to realize your mother's abuse was the cause of some of the mental health or character problems you struggle with?
It was more of a binary—and very trippy—event than a "beginning to realize" in my case. Kind of a long story but to condense it as much as I can:
I became subconsciously aware of it early on, but stayed with her up until my mid 20s. I was desperate to make her understand the ways she'd hurt me and show remorse, but when she proved to be a sociopath in the face of accountability over *years*, I gave up and just started performing surface warmth to milk her for resources. I originally started living in my van in her driveway after she purposely put me in a dangerous situation that made me realize I'm physically not safe remaining under her autonomy. I thought I was enacting "justice" by *taking* from her, but not really *loving* her.
But then I had a chance, erotically charged encounter with a woman online that utterly cracked me open. I staged an interaction where I "surrendered" myself to her in a whole, soul-embodied sense, and rather than abusing or ignoring it as she could have done, she warmly accepted it, and affectionately contained me with "ownership" framing.
Even though it was just a little D/s game we were playing, my limbic system unironically registered this as the first instance in my entire life where I had been safely "held" inside someone else's emotional infrastructure—as a baby experiences when it's being softly shushed in its mother's bosom. My animal brain immediately went: "Finally. There she is. *Mother.* **Attach."**
I proceeded to experience an earth-shattering flood of oxytocin that was more intense than some drug trips I've been on, and my body entered a state of visceral age regression for almost 90 minutes. I was unable to properly verbalize as my adult self. My limbs were heavy and floaty as I sobbed and screeched in a primal, pre-verbal infant voice—which under normal circumstances gets locked away in ancient memory after you grow up.
Basically I got to physically re-experience being that baby abandoned in a dark room all over again as an adult. It made me realize at the *body level* the sheer evil of what had been done to me, and that all the gaslighting, denial, and justification my mother had tried to pull over on me was *unforgivable.* And that by continuing to siphon her resources, I was only giving her ego an excuse to believe that what she'd done "wasn't that bad."
I moved my things out of her house less than a week later while she was at work, then promptly cut off all contact. I will never speak to her again.
> Perhaps you can meet a graceful woman to give your future sons or daughters an affectionate, loving, graceful mother and then you can have repaired a portion of the universe.
I've admittedly fantasized about that "redemption arc" quite a few times, but I'm honestly terrified to have children. *Maybe* I'd be able to love them as they deserve, but maybe I'd just ruin them despite my best intentions, and greatly multiply my sins, which already weigh on me like Atlas. I still feel like a half-feral child myself, subconsciously seeing women as erotic mother-surrogates to my own wound and not as future mothers of my children.
But ultimately I do believe God is the one who decides if a man is appointed to the role of husband and father—regardless of the man's own disposition towards the matter. So I'll just keep living and let Him decide.
All I wanted was to make them, my parents, look like shit.
I remember when I was a child my step father spent 1k on my mother for Christmas and that was her best Christmas ever
I made damn sure she knows I spend 1k every fucking year, now going on 16, for my wife and more for my kids on Christmas.
I rub every damn thing in her face, she won't talk to me but she still gets my texts and I show her what life my family lives compared to her shit bag life
Now its clearly a sickness but its done in a way that makes my family better so it can't be all bad
Also I buy shit like last year my wife got a new fucking dishwasher and vacuum and I got a weed wacker so its not crappy Chinese shit
Dont friet you can always just make her look like a pos and make your life better
Dont let your child hood ruin you, be strong even if you have to take it a step at a time
I used to drink and smoke cigarettes every fucking day. I quit both and have started working out, I take my kids to learn all sorts of shit and I started working out.
My mother won't talk to me and my father apologized to me, but both have to deal with my children having a better up bringing then they could ever give and their lives are shit
I used to have a severe PMO addiction from childhood as my coping mechanism, and I managed to get clean from it a couple years ago. Now I'm just trying to build savings and stability to be as ready as I can if I do meet the right woman.
Then work together to make it happen.
Unless I encounter an adventurous lady who buys into my "Homeless Hermit to Homeowner Husband" five year plan, I imagine I'll have better luck courting someone once I've actually saved up and bought property.
It could always be worse. 🫤