The movie starts out really promising, then it pulls the rug out exactly an hour in. The Designated Nerd goes on a rant about how Humans are only smart enough to destroy ourselves and that "*We don't rule the planet! Sure, we change the environment, but once the Earth gets tired of us it will shake us off like a summer cold.*" Whatever, dude. He later reveals himself to be a little comrade.
There's also a Latinx family (*I use that label intentionally*) with a girl boss daughter, her cucked dad, ugly little spic sister and buffoon pothead boyfriend who always gets everyone in trouble; which of course Ms. Girl Boss always gets them out of because she's got the balls. You will NEVER fear for their safety because [Latinos buy more movie tickets per capita than any other demographic in the U.S.](https://remezcla.com/lists/film/mpaa-theatrical-market-statistics-report-2016/) and Pedowood jews want to keep them happy.
Rupert Friend, cast here as Evil Rich White Man, is ... well, rich and evil and there for you to hate him because it's not enough to just fear the dinosaurs. Mahershala Ali, who was handed an Oscar for being black and muslim, is there to be the strong, masculine, heroic foil to Evil Rich White Man ... BUT never to outshine Scarlett Johansson's Navy SEAL SpecOps TactiKool Recon Bad Bitch.
It was also weird how the Big Bad Dino is not so much a dino as it is a leftover "Cloverfield" monster. Because it's directed by Gareth Edwards, the monster is only on screen for literally 2 minutes (*just like he did in his "Godzilla" movie*), looks literally retarded (*like himself*) and is entirely unmemorable (*like his directing career.*) However, I did get a little chuckle out of the female pilot of the rescue helicopter crashing into the dinosaur in light of the Potomac River crash.
... honestly, it's all so very tiring, exhausting and fatiguing. It's all paint-by-ideology bullshit. — 0/5 🍿
**DISCLOSURE:** *This review is based on a complimentary review copy of "Jurassic World Rebirth" provided by Universal Studios. Well, more like "taken" from Universal Studios. I'm sure they won't mind, though. Eh, maybe don't tell them.* 🏴☠️
