For starters, I do not want this at all. It is not a political statement that I have these feelings, I did not choose it at all. I have actually had a very sheltered and conservative upbringing, without any exposure to lgbt things, and yet I still grew to have these feelings.
To be honest, it actually makes me very sad. Sad because, my 'community' is full of people that groomed young women I know to get mastectomies and take hormones, to make their sexual feelings their identity. Sad, because I believe in nature being a perfect blueprint that I am not following.
I think it's beautiful that two people can be a couple, and have children that are the result of their love, and carry both of their genes, and embody the harmony of duality (male and female). Yet, for some reason, as long as I can remember, only women excite me. I genuine cannot finish unless I'm thinking of p*ssy or thighs or t1ts, and I feel like I've been built the wrong way around. I tried kissing a guy, and nothing further, but it felt like nothing to me- whereas even just standing in the same room as this girl I liked, just looking in her eyes, made me feel dizzy with excitement. For many girls, I have felt this, tall red heads, emos, cute brown eyed girls.
I have not found a woman who loves me, and yet quite a few men wanted to date me - so being a lesbian means basically celibacy; I definitely wouldn't choose it. I wish I could love my best friend. We almost share a brain and soul, we made many creative projects together, I learned his language (dutch/nederlands) and he learned all these scottish words my loud family uses so it doesn't just sound like foreign shrieking lol. We genuinely care for each other so selflessly. I know he wanted to marry me, and proposed, but I feel absolutely nothing romantically with men, they just look neutral and have never made me feel a thing. But it would've been perfect for us to be together, if I could just be attracted to him, which I can't, and it's a shame, because I have never met someone so clever or good hearted, who saw the truth in this world.
It's a shame, because in addition to some carpentry projects, and visiting antarctica, one of my life ambitions is to be a mother. I'm probably not old enough to be one, and yet already I know that I have a lot of heart for children and loved looking after them when it was my job to do so. However, I don't think it looks right, to see a child with two mothers. A family with a mother and father just seems so complete.
I don't agree with everything you guys say on here. I don't believe that white people are better than others, but it's definitely meaningful to care for your family and people, and understand that some tight knit people in this world wield influence over human beings in an unfair way, that culture is being eradicated, that the narrative is controlled. I am posting this here, because I think this is the only place where people will speculate on the situation without encouraging me to blindly accept my condition. Why do you think I am this way? Would I be able to change? What would you do in my shoes? (inb4 kys)
To be honest, it actually makes me very sad. Sad because, my 'community' is full of people that groomed young women I know to get mastectomies and take hormones, to make their sexual feelings their identity. Sad, because I believe in nature being a perfect blueprint that I am not following.
I think it's beautiful that two people can be a couple, and have children that are the result of their love, and carry both of their genes, and embody the harmony of duality (male and female). Yet, for some reason, as long as I can remember, only women excite me. I genuine cannot finish unless I'm thinking of p*ssy or thighs or t1ts, and I feel like I've been built the wrong way around. I tried kissing a guy, and nothing further, but it felt like nothing to me- whereas even just standing in the same room as this girl I liked, just looking in her eyes, made me feel dizzy with excitement. For many girls, I have felt this, tall red heads, emos, cute brown eyed girls.
I have not found a woman who loves me, and yet quite a few men wanted to date me - so being a lesbian means basically celibacy; I definitely wouldn't choose it. I wish I could love my best friend. We almost share a brain and soul, we made many creative projects together, I learned his language (dutch/nederlands) and he learned all these scottish words my loud family uses so it doesn't just sound like foreign shrieking lol. We genuinely care for each other so selflessly. I know he wanted to marry me, and proposed, but I feel absolutely nothing romantically with men, they just look neutral and have never made me feel a thing. But it would've been perfect for us to be together, if I could just be attracted to him, which I can't, and it's a shame, because I have never met someone so clever or good hearted, who saw the truth in this world.
It's a shame, because in addition to some carpentry projects, and visiting antarctica, one of my life ambitions is to be a mother. I'm probably not old enough to be one, and yet already I know that I have a lot of heart for children and loved looking after them when it was my job to do so. However, I don't think it looks right, to see a child with two mothers. A family with a mother and father just seems so complete.
I don't agree with everything you guys say on here. I don't believe that white people are better than others, but it's definitely meaningful to care for your family and people, and understand that some tight knit people in this world wield influence over human beings in an unfair way, that culture is being eradicated, that the narrative is controlled. I am posting this here, because I think this is the only place where people will speculate on the situation without encouraging me to blindly accept my condition. Why do you think I am this way? Would I be able to change? What would you do in my shoes? (inb4 kys)
I don't know what it was with me though. I remember these feelings going way back, when I had a good family, and was sheltered from inappropriate things. I guess I was too weird for the girls, so I was only accepted by boys as a peer, and thought of myself as half a boy. I kind of look like a guy in childhood photos. I don't know if that had an effect on my psychology- internalising a role that wasn't mine.
You should look into this possibility that you were abused at a very young age, to the point that you don't consciously remember it but it still has effects subconsciously.
I'm definitely not saying this is 100% the answer. It's also completely possible that even if that did happen, it's not the primary or even a contributing factor. I just advise that you don't rule anything out yet.
Ask your parents. Ask God. Ask for help from a priest or other "spiritual father". Christians are generally going to be the only people of any help to you. Generally.
Also, if you go ahead and date this man, and it does not seem to work out for you but the love is still there, you should try just telling him about all these feelings. It may very well be that this problem is a just a bump in your road that requires a man to help get over or around. Maybe. Maybe not.
God Bless, I'll be praying for you.
It would definitely be possible to try dating him. We really get on well together and laugh so much, are so considerate to each other and easily resolve the few conflicts we have. Maybe starting a life with your best friend without attraction is still good, even if it's missing one piece. Thank you for your prayers :)
Marriage is basically the relationship you have with him set on a higher level, plus intimacy. There is a good chance that it's an "acquired taste."