You're not the salt of this earth which was proven by your pathetic weekness and lack of will. You're never going to be White. Neither you will have grace as proven by yourself on your first response to this thread. Your parents will pay dearly for creating an aberration as horrendous as yourself. You could try to better yourself, but you won't go far, again proven by many of your remarks on this post, and by your despise for the only true path for salvation. But don't blame yourself as that was by design Mat 7:13-14.