(Apologies in advance for the blogpost, but it is to inform the context of the one seeking guidance, as my life has been largely atypical in this regard.)
A few years into being redpilled now, making some improvements in my life, and I've been doing a lot of self reflection. Something that I've come to realize about myself is that I have been a hopeless romantic from a very young age. Barely ever experiencing a cooties phase, I've always been taken with the beauty of woman and have desperately wanted one to call my own. One to love, to protect, to give children.
However, I didn't have a good start in life in this regard. Though a part of me still loves him, my father was a low T, hedonistic deadbeat who was eventually henpecked to divorce by my mother. I unwittingly replicated his footfalls, becoming a video gaming recluse and developing a raging addiction to extremely bizarre pornography by the age of 13, a sorry state that would continue unabated all the way through adulthood. And even before this I was a shut in on account of being homeschooled.
As such, I have daunting social anxiety and virtually zero experience with women. On the few occasions throughout my life that I came within orbit of opportunities, I dropped the ball hard out of fear, and a gross misunderstanding of how to navigate female psychology (No Rizz.) The only girl I ever dated was a brown whore who almost certainly had a triple digit body count, an ill-fated affair that gracelessly fizzled out within a month.
In my life, this has left me bitter and blackpilled about my chances with women. The eternal crybaby, I would always moan about my misfortune to anyone who would listen, cursing that my fate was to die alone as though it had already come to pass. Indeed, some of this has even dribbled into posts I've made on this very forum.
Though I've long convinced myself of my own wallowing sentiments being plain objectivity, I understand now that it's all just been miserable coping to justify never even trying anymore. Well, after waking up to many truths previously obscured, and removing the fog from my eyes by destroying my worst vices, I have now decided to emphatically say:
Fuck that.
I am 25 years of age. Despite my mental inhibitions, I am reasonably attractive, in acceptable shape and coming from a line of tall, handsome White men. I have no debt, a decent career, and a snowballing nest egg that will very likely net me a paid off homestead by as early as age 30. It's too early in life, with too many blessings therein, to give up on my greatest desire, which is a noble thing for any man to strive for.
But in this endeavor, I need help. I am still a recluse without a network or any social rituals, and I understand that this likely must change. I am willing to try anything to further my goal, to put myself out there relentlessly, but I don't know where to start.
If my single minded objective is to find a woman, how should I be spending my time? Where should I go on weekends? What hobbies, social or otherwise, should I take up? In which areas of my life should I be most directly focusing my ongoing self improvement efforts? Are dating apps worth using as a secondary angle of attack? How does courting a girl in the 21st century actually work?
You get the picture. My spirit is willing, but I am the biggest autist in normietown, completely out of my depth in this endeavor even in the most cursory matters. Please give me the advice on finding a mate that my dad never did, ConPro.
If you read this, thank you and God bless.
A few years into being redpilled now, making some improvements in my life, and I've been doing a lot of self reflection. Something that I've come to realize about myself is that I have been a hopeless romantic from a very young age. Barely ever experiencing a cooties phase, I've always been taken with the beauty of woman and have desperately wanted one to call my own. One to love, to protect, to give children.
However, I didn't have a good start in life in this regard. Though a part of me still loves him, my father was a low T, hedonistic deadbeat who was eventually henpecked to divorce by my mother. I unwittingly replicated his footfalls, becoming a video gaming recluse and developing a raging addiction to extremely bizarre pornography by the age of 13, a sorry state that would continue unabated all the way through adulthood. And even before this I was a shut in on account of being homeschooled.
As such, I have daunting social anxiety and virtually zero experience with women. On the few occasions throughout my life that I came within orbit of opportunities, I dropped the ball hard out of fear, and a gross misunderstanding of how to navigate female psychology (No Rizz.) The only girl I ever dated was a brown whore who almost certainly had a triple digit body count, an ill-fated affair that gracelessly fizzled out within a month.
In my life, this has left me bitter and blackpilled about my chances with women. The eternal crybaby, I would always moan about my misfortune to anyone who would listen, cursing that my fate was to die alone as though it had already come to pass. Indeed, some of this has even dribbled into posts I've made on this very forum.
Though I've long convinced myself of my own wallowing sentiments being plain objectivity, I understand now that it's all just been miserable coping to justify never even trying anymore. Well, after waking up to many truths previously obscured, and removing the fog from my eyes by destroying my worst vices, I have now decided to emphatically say:
Fuck that.
I am 25 years of age. Despite my mental inhibitions, I am reasonably attractive, in acceptable shape and coming from a line of tall, handsome White men. I have no debt, a decent career, and a snowballing nest egg that will very likely net me a paid off homestead by as early as age 30. It's too early in life, with too many blessings therein, to give up on my greatest desire, which is a noble thing for any man to strive for.
But in this endeavor, I need help. I am still a recluse without a network or any social rituals, and I understand that this likely must change. I am willing to try anything to further my goal, to put myself out there relentlessly, but I don't know where to start.
If my single minded objective is to find a woman, how should I be spending my time? Where should I go on weekends? What hobbies, social or otherwise, should I take up? In which areas of my life should I be most directly focusing my ongoing self improvement efforts? Are dating apps worth using as a secondary angle of attack? How does courting a girl in the 21st century actually work?
You get the picture. My spirit is willing, but I am the biggest autist in normietown, completely out of my depth in this endeavor even in the most cursory matters. Please give me the advice on finding a mate that my dad never did, ConPro.
If you read this, thank you and God bless.
When you are seeking to fulfill a need, you aren't looking for a partner. You are looking for a need to be filled. And guess what? Eventually you WILL find it, because someone out there will be looking to have a need filled as well. And it might even be great, for a little while.
What happens when their need changes? Or your does? Instantly the transactional relationship provides no more benefit, and one or both parties leave.
If you need to have someone else in your life to be content, you will never be able to provide contentedness to another. If you need to have someone else to"complete" you, then you are incomplete.
Focus on yourself. Realize that women are fully individual unique PEOPLE just like you or me or anyone else, with unique perspectives and outlooks and personalities, and treat them as such.
Get hobbies that get you outside with people. Hiking walking biking meet-ups group events etc. Don't do this to meet women. Do it because you need to. Then maybe it one day possibly leads to meeting a woman. Who cares. If that's the intention it will be impure and the woman won't be right.
With people on the spectrum or who are just kinda socially retarded, you’ll notice they have this underlying anxiety to every aspect of life, especially the most important and daunting parts like finding your career or life partner. They’ll “intentionally” put off dating or finding a life partner because they haven’t “improved” enough in some category, be it monetary or spiritual or what have you.
I’ve seen young autists online worry about postponing finding a new job because they got fired from their old one; like no one around them was there to tell them that employers don’t keep databases of your work history and you can just omit info or straight up lie on your resume to get the job like everyone else.
These people are broken and fragile because they’ve barely even experienced life their whole lives and their conditions make the easy parts much harder. The best thing you can tell a social retard is that he deserves people in his life, not out of entitlement, but out of a commitment to be one’s best self in the service of others and to take back the ideal life that was supposed to be his.
I'm comfortable enough in my own skin that I'll get by even without a life partner if it comes to that, but I would certainly like one. If I carry on exactly as I've been, a recluse who gets all the personal satisfaction he needs by staying cloistered away with his personal pursuits, then I know I will never encounter the chance.
That doesn't have to involved a woman or hopes for one. Cut out the desire and women will show up in droves.
Definitely go hiking and shit.. But do it with the intend of finding chicks.
Only hike where there's women unless you want to get away and be alone. Or build a story to tell to women about how you braved it alone in cougar country. They're easily impressed. Otherwise you're just wasting time.
Don’t treat women like unique people. They’re not. They’re the least unique organism on the planet. Theres a reason that a “plug and play” approach works more often than not. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with actively seeking out women in social environments. You have to be assertive because that’s what women do. Letting the woman seek you out dictates exactly how the relationship is going to go in the future: you’ll be a doormat.
As a man with a few decades around the sun, I can say that you're mostly right. They're all (mostly) the same. A woman can never be your equal, because men and women are not equals. God made women as a companion to man. She's a luxury that you literally buy for yourself, like a bigger house or a nice car, all of which require constant expenses to keep (property taxes, fees) and keep in good order (maintenance, improvements).
All the men that I've known to have happy marriages never thought of their wives as their equals. Those men were leading their own lives and the wife was just along for the ride and the benefits he provided her. It was the guys who "loved" their wives and tried to be "equals" with them who ended up divorced. Women are like dogs. They NEED an alpha to lead them, otherwise they stray. That's their nature and it's not going to chage.
I would dial it back ~20% in practice, but men must never forget that each farm animal requires its own sort of animal husbandry, including human women. Otherwise, they will disrupt the function of your farm (or life) like a naughty dog.
If you acknowledge the humanity (or dignity) of animals, then understanding the similarities between women and livestock is not actually disrespect towards women.
Very few good women with good values. But you will have trouble with a woman that didn't choose you.
Bold strategy, cotton.