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I'm a white man in the UK, and...

I feel so overwhelmingly exhausted it might kill me. I don't want it to kill me. I don't plan on hurting myself or others. I need advice protecting my mind. I need help getting back my energy and ability to enjoy things. If I rest, or try to enjoy anything ever, I feel guilty because I'm not doing anything to help my people survive oppression. It hurts.

When I try to write, it feels impossible to write anything good. Last time I wrote about how much it sucks to live in this regularly bombed dystopian nightmare of a country at constant war, cunts on the internet mocked and harassed me for threatening the lies their regimes told. They demonised me without restraint or mercy. Even mocked me for having a heart condition and being a cancer survivor. My assumption that everyone's human deep down and will be good in places where it's safe to express that humanity was proven false. It feels impossible to convince anyone we're people who don't deserve to be killed and humiliated and wiped out and spat upon. It feels impossible to write anything where we're allowed to exist freely. Fictional worlds where we can be good to one another without our enemies killing us feel as impossible to believe in as worlds where we fight back and win. And when I try writing fiction that isn't about my people, and I try writing fiction about fictional characters I like, it feels like I'm betraying my people. Fiddling while Rome burns.

I'm trying to find a specific youtube channel, of which I don't remember a whole lot, except the following:

- Politics, english language
- Just one guy doing it, his own research/analysis, doesn't show himself on camera, heavy eastern european accent (possibly romanian iirc)
- Not a lot of animations, mostly slides, documents, news articles.
- Stream backdrop is an ornate skyscraper façade photoshopped to incorporate the stream's logo, kinda art-deco style. Not AI as it pre-dates that.
- Would end each video with monologue/conclusion with just logo visible.
- Did a video once deconstructing ESG and Blackrock's role in ESG
- Channel was quite relevant during covid, but seems to be shared less these days?

That's all I've got, but I'm sure the skyscraper logo shit will ring some bells.

Edit: found it, was indeed romanian: https://www.youtube.com/@RomanianTvee/videos

ESG video in question was: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZpuDc3YvLg

Pushing yourself to your physical limits is a transformative experience. Whether it's cardio, lifting, martial arts, or bodyweight training. You should be doing all of these, but the most useful to functionality and with the least barrier to entry are cardio and calisthenics. When you push your body to its breaking points, it unlocks your mind. Physical suffering can train the spirit. As both the physical act of working out and the metaphysical act of overcoming existential suffering are similar processes. Your mind and your body are inextricably linked to each other. An out of shape man with a good wit is utterly useless, so is a fit man without intelligence.

"No citizen has a right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training… what a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable."

Furthermore, I consider that Israel must be destroyed

I do think having small amounts of DNA from another ethnic group that clusters somewhat close within your genetics helps improve the offspring, and provides better robustness.

Example: Mixing European and certain west Asian groups for example can work very well.