Christianity

> Tenebrae (Latin for "shadows" or "darkness") is a Christian religious service celebrated in the Holy Week within Western Christianity, on the evening before or early morning of Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and Holy Saturday. Tenebrae is distinctive for its gradual extinguishing of candles while a series of readings and psalms is chanted or recited.

https://infogalactic.com/info/Friday_of_Sorrows
 
> The Friday of Sorrows is a solemn pious remembrance of the sorrowful Blessed Virgin Mary on the Friday before Palm Sunday held in the fifth week of Lent
 
> Like all Fridays in Lent, this Friday is a day of abstinence from meat
 
> In 1727, Pope Benedict XIII extended a feast commemorating the sorrowful Virgin Mary to the whole of the Latin Church, assigning to its celebration the Friday in Passion Week, one week before Good Friday.[4]
 
> In 1954, the feast still held the rank of major double (slightly lower than the rank of the 15 September feast) in the General Roman Calendar.

Catholic encyclopedia: https://www.newadvent.org/cathen/11535b.htm

This is from Fr. Lasance's "My Prayer Book" (published early 1900s) around p. 164, "Sanctify The Month": https://archive.org/details/MyPrayerBookHappinessInGoodness
 
Each month has a gemstone that represents something and reflection related to it, monthly devotion, and particular virtue.
 
April is devoted to the Holy Ghost (and also the Passion, as relates to Lent).
 
The virtue for April is patience.
 
The gem of the month is a diamond, which represents purity and fortitude.
 
Reflection:
 
April - Diamond - Purity and Fortitude - Strength of Character
 
"Perform your actions with a pure intention, not out of human respect, but for the love of God. Do what is right because it is right. Have the moral courage to stand up for your convictions. If you are conscientious, you cannot help but have some character."

Additionally:
 
First Saturday Prayers (explains history of devotion):
 
http://www.dailycatholic.org/1satdevo.htm

> the Christian celebration of the announcement by the angel Gabriel to the Virgin Mary that she would conceive and become the mother of Jesus, the Son of God, marking his Incarnation.
 
https://infogalactic.com/info/Annunciation
 
https://infogalactic.com/info/Feast_of_the_Annunciation
 
Catholic encyclopedia entry on topic: https://www.newadvent.org/cathen/01541c.htm
 
> Mary may not yet have fully understood the meaning of the heavenly message and how the maternity might be reconciled with her vow of virginity, but clinging to the first words of the angel and trusting to the Omnipotence of God she said:
 
> "Behold the handmaid of the Lord, be it done to me according to thy word."

I performed a sin and even though I felt guilty I did not confess or make good to those I wronged until I absolutely had to.
  
In the wake of this, I don't feel clean of my sin or that there is a way to become clean. I feel that what I have done in repentance doesn't "count" because I didn't initiate it on my own free will like I know should have.
  
It was a thing I promised I wouldn't do, in my mind in a prayer to God, and I broke it and on that basis I fear I will go to hell. I am religious but not a Catholic or part of a family that attends church. Should I seek church where a priest will hear my confession even as an outsider?
  
The idea of confessing in this way seems hollow considering I have confessed to my family, those I wronged, and God in prayer (had to be confronted that way). The person I most directly wronged gave me forgiveness, as well as some of those otherwise affected by it, but the promise I made to God in my head was broken and there is nothing they can do for that even if they wanted, it's a private betrayal between the Lord and I.
  
Is there anything I can do? It follows that the answer is to live well and accept my guilt for the past... but this is ALWAYS true as far as I understand. It doesn't feel right that despite having an intolerable sin weighing down on me I would pursue forgiveness from God on a basis of "Whoopsie daisy, guess Ill just go on and try better"
  
What can I actively DO?
  
I have a hard time imagining hearing a priest say I'm forgiven isn't just human comfort. I don't feel secure in taking someone's word for it. I have never related as a Catholic, I have always felt a person's relationship with God is direct. And I feel I violated that in horrifically direct way.
  
What is the best way to repent for a promise you broke to God? Any help is appreciated. If you think I will go to hell, idk how much functional good it will do me to hear it. That is why I ask for advice. I want to focus on how to move forward.
  

You can read and figure out the current status of "St. Joseph's Day", I'm following vaguely whatever I can reason is pre-1958: https://infogalactic.com/info/St_Joseph%27s_Day
 
But I was mostly going to share this "Workman's Prayer to St. Joseph" for workers to pray:
 
(Note: The first version is based on the link below but I am editing it from another source that I have; given there are multiple versions online, both are probably just a translation of the latin and it doesn't matter, but I liked this other translation better. I can't find a link with this other version I have - let me know if anyone finds it if they look it up.)
 
other version I'm familiar with:
 
> O Glorious Saint Joseph, model of all those who are devoted to labor, obtain for me the grace to work in a spirit of penance for the expiation of my many sins; to work conscientiously, putting the call of duty above my inclinations; to work with gratitude and joy, considering it an honor to employ and develop by means of labor the gifts received from God; to work with order, peace, moderation, and patience, without ever recoiling before weariness or difficulties; to work, above all, with purity of intention and detachment from self, having always death before my eyes and the account that I must render of time lost, talents wasted, good omitted, and vain complacency in success, so fatal to the work of God. All for Jesus, all through Mary, all after thy example, O Patriarch, Joseph. Such shall be my watchword in life and in death. Amen.
 
version that's online that I could find:
 
> O Glorious Saint Joseph, model of all those who are devoted to labor, obtain for me the grace to work in a spirit of penance for the expiation of my many sins; to work conscientiously, putting the call of duty above my natural inclinations; to work with thankfulness and joy, considering it an honor to employ and develop by means of labor the gifts received from God; to work with order, peace, moderation, and patience, never shrinking from weariness and trials; to work above all with purity of intention and detachment from self, keeping unceasingly before my eyes death and the account that I must give of time lost, talents unused, good omitted, and vain complacency in success, so fatal to the work of God.
 
> All for Jesus, all through Mary, all after thy example, O Patriarch, Saint Joseph. Such shall be my watch-word in life and in death. Amen.
 
source: https://www.thepathtosainthood.com/post/prayer-before-work-to-st-joseph-the-worker

"
 
I bind to myself today
The strong virtue of the Invocation of the Trinity:
I believe the Trinity in the Unity
The Creator of the Universe.
 
I bind to myself today
The virtue of the Incarnation of Christ with His Baptism,
The virtue of His crucifixion with His burial,
The virtue of His Resurrection with His Ascension,
The virtue of His coming on the Judgement Day.
 
I bind to myself today
The virtue of the love of seraphim,
In the obedience of angels,
In the hope of resurrection unto reward,
In prayers of Patriarchs,
In predictions of Prophets,
In preaching of Apostles,
In faith of Confessors,
In purity of holy Virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.
 
I bind to myself today
The power of Heaven,
The light of the sun,
The brightness of the moon,
The splendour of fire,
The flashing of lightning,
The swiftness of wind,
The depth of sea,
The stability of earth,
The compactness of rocks.
 
I bind to myself today
God's Power to guide me,
God's Might to uphold me,
God's Wisdom to teach me,
God's Eye to watch over me,
God's Ear to hear me,
God's Word to give me speech,
God's Hand to guide me,
God's Way to lie before me,
God's Shield to shelter me,
God's Host to secure me,
Against the snares of demons,
Against the seductions of vices,
Against the lusts of nature,
Against everyone who meditates injury to me,
Whether far or near,
Whether few or with many.
 
I invoke today all these virtues
Against every hostile merciless power
Which may assail my body and my soul,
Against the incantations of false prophets,
Against the black laws of heathenism,
Against the false laws of heresy,
Against the deceits of idolatry,
Against the spells of women, and smiths, and druids,
Against every knowledge that binds the soul of man.
 
Christ, protect me today
Against every poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against death-wound,
That I may receive abundant reward.
 
Christ with me, Christ before me,
Christ behind me, Christ within me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ at my right, Christ at my left,
Christ in the fort,
Christ in the chariot seat,
Christ in the poop [deck],
Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks to me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.
 
I bind to myself today
The strong virtue of an invocation of the Trinity,
I believe the Trinity in the Unity
The Creator of the Universe.
 
"
 
source: https://www.newadvent.org/cathen/11554a.htm

Something I’ve come across on my delving into our past. I can’t get any Christians to read this, I’m hoping someone here would so I can see what they think about this.

https://www.newadvent.org/cathen/09152a.htm
 
> For example, the historian Socrates (Church History V.22) tells of the practice of the fifth century: "Some abstain from every sort of creature that has life, while others of all the living creatures eat of fish only. Others eat birds as well as fish, because, according to the Mosaic account of the Creation, they too sprang from the water; others abstain from fruit covered by a hard shell and from eggs. Some eat dry bread only, others not even that; others again when they have fasted to the ninth hour (three o'clock) partake of various kinds of food". Amid this diversity some inclined to the extreme limits of rigor. Epiphanius, Palladius, and the author of the "Life of St. Melania the Younger" seem to contemplate a state of things in which ordinary Christians were expected to pass twenty-four hours or more without food of any kind, especially during Holy Week, while the more austere actually subsisted during part or the whole of Lent upon one or two meals a week (see Rampolla, "Vita di. S. Melania Giuniore", appendix xxv, p. 478). But the ordinary rule on fasting days was to take but one meal a day and that only in the evening, while meat and, in the early centuries, wine were entirely forbidden. During Holy Week, or at least on Good Friday it was common to enjoin the xerophagiæ, i.e., a diet of dry food, bread, salt, and vegetables.
 
> There does not seem at the beginning to have been any prohibition of lacticinia, as the passage just quoted from Socrates would show. Moreover, at a somewhat later date, Bede tells us of Bishop Cedda, that during Lent he took only one meal a day consisting of "a little bread, a hen's egg, and a little milk mixed with water" (Church History III.23), while Theodulphus of Orleans in the eighth century regarded abstinence from eggs, cheese, and fish as a mark of exceptional virtue. None the less St. Gregory writing to St. Augustine of England laid down the rule, "We abstain from flesh meat, and from all things that come from flesh, as milk, cheese, and eggs." This decision was afterwards enshrined in the "Corpus Juris", and must be regarded as the common law of the Church. Still exceptions were admitted, and dispensations to eat "lacticinia" were often granted upon condition of making a contribution to some pious work. These dispensations were known in Germany as Butterbriefe, and several churches are said to have been partly built by the proceeds of such exceptions. One of the steeples of Rouen cathedral was for this reason formerly known as the Butter Tower. This general prohibition of eggs and milk during Lent is perpetuated in the popular custom of blessing or making gifts of eggs at Easter, and in the English usage of eating pancakes on Shrove Tuesday.

tl;dr it's uncomfortable clothing or like how it feels after you get a haircut and there's hair on you and it's itchy and scratchy, as a form of discipline and penance
  
via Catholic Encyclopedia:
  
https://www.newadvent.org/cathen/07113b.htm
  
(Latin cilicium; French cilice).
  
> A garment of rough cloth made from goats' hair and worn in the form of a shirt or as a girdle around the loins, by way of mortification and penance. The Latin name is said to be derived from Cilicia, where this cloth was made, but the thing itself was probably known and used long before this name was given to it. The sackcloth, for instance, so often mentioned in Holy Scripture as a symbol of mourning and penance, was probably the same thing; and the garment of camels' hair worn by St. John the Baptist was no doubt somewhat similar. The earliest Scriptural use of the word in its Latin form occurs in the Vulgate version of Psalm 34:13, "Ego autem, cum mihi molesti essent, induebar cilicio." This is translated hair-cloth in the Douay Bible, and sackcloth in the Anglican Authorized Version and the Book of Common Prayer.
  
> During the early ages of Christianity the use of hair-cloth, as a means of bodily mortification and as an aid to the wearer in resisting temptations of the flesh, became very common, not only amongst the ascetics and those who aspired to the life of perfection, but even amongst ordinary lay people in the world, who made it serve as an unostentatious antidote for the outward luxury and comfort of their lives. St. Jerome, for instance, mentions the hairshirt as being frequently worn under the rich and splendid robes of men in high worldly positions. St. Athanasius, St. John Damascene, Theodoret, and many others also bear testimony to its use in their times. Cassian, however, disapproved of it being used by monks, as if worn outside it was too conspicuous and savoured of vanity and if underneath it hindered the freedom of the body in performing manual labour. St. Benedict does not mention it specifically in his rule, but van Haeften maintains that it was worn by many of the early Benedictines, though not prescribed universally throughout the order.
  
> Later on, it was adopted by most of the religious orders of the Middle Ages, in imitation of the early ascetics, and in order to increase the discomfort caused by its use it was sometimes even made of fine wire. It was not confined to the monks, but continued to be fairly common amongst lay people also. Charlemagne, for instance, was buried in the hairshirt he had worn during life (Martene, "De Ant. Eccl. Rit."). The same is recorded of St. Thomas of Canterbury. There was also a symbolic use made of hair-cloth. St. Augustine says that in his time candidates for baptism stood with bare feet on hair-cloth during a portion the ceremony (De Symb. ad Catech., ii, 1). Penitents wore it on Ash Wednesday, and in the Sarum Rite a hair-cloth banner was carried in procession at their reconciliation on Maundy Thursday. The altar, too, was sometimes covered with the same material at penitential seasons.
  
> In modern times the use of the hairshirt has been generally confined to the members of certain religious orders. At the present day only the Carthusians and Carmelites wear it by rule; with others it is merely a matter of custom or voluntary mortification. Objections have been raised against its use on sanitary grounds, but it must be remembered that ideas as to personal cleanliness have changed with the advance of civilization, and that what was considered a sign of, or aid to, piety in past ages need not necessarily be regarded in the same light now, and vice versa, but the ideas and practices of the ancients must not for that reason be condemned by us, because we happen to think differently.