It always seems like the more people get to know me, the less they actually like me. At first, it seems very promising, but over time, they start noticing the flaws, which are mainly the things I say and believe in. The things I don’t hide as well. It I’m only tolerable in small doses, and eventually, they just drift away or turn cold.
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MI7BZ3EW on scored.co
1 year ago2 points(+0/-0/+2Score on mirror)1 child
I'm going to echo u/weematanyeh but I want to add something too:
Unless you all have some kind of bond that surpasses minor character flaws, you're not going to stick together. Just keep that in mind.
As for the form of the bond -- proximity and land ownership can be very strong bonds. I can forgive my neighbors for a lot of things knowing that they live right next to me and I need to count on them for emergencies, and they do the same. In the rare case my neighbor isn't such a person, well, I won't be calling on them for help when the time comes.
One of the important lessons is that people ALWAYS treat people better when they expect a long future with them, and worse when they'll never see each other again.
Surely you don't think people in the past were any different about this. In the 1800s, you couldn't afford to piss off the one cobbler in town, or the guy with the best fruit. There were real consequences.
Of course, there was also a shared worldview with the locals. In modern day, that can only be achieved through realistic views.
"The cobbler in town" -- the proximity to the town plus the difficulty in establishing a life in a new town -- that's the bond you share with the cobbler and the other townsfolk. You had to tolerate each other in your own self-interest, at the very least. Bonus points because if you make even small investments over time, small affordances or sacrifices, people remember that and over time you and your family builds a reputation of honor and trust.
In the modern age, people move all the time, and no one knows who their neighbors are. There is no bond. Hence things like freemasons or lions club filling a gap in the modern world, but those are gone now. All we have left is church and even then, so many churches never form a bond between the membership. I can spend my whole life living in one area being kind to my neighbors only to find my neighbors are all gone and there are complete strangers living in their houses who don't know me from Adam.
Unless you all have some kind of bond that surpasses minor character flaws, you're not going to stick together. Just keep that in mind.
As for the form of the bond -- proximity and land ownership can be very strong bonds. I can forgive my neighbors for a lot of things knowing that they live right next to me and I need to count on them for emergencies, and they do the same. In the rare case my neighbor isn't such a person, well, I won't be calling on them for help when the time comes.
One of the important lessons is that people ALWAYS treat people better when they expect a long future with them, and worse when they'll never see each other again.
Surely you don't think people in the past were any different about this. In the 1800s, you couldn't afford to piss off the one cobbler in town, or the guy with the best fruit. There were real consequences.
Of course, there was also a shared worldview with the locals. In modern day, that can only be achieved through realistic views.
In the modern age, people move all the time, and no one knows who their neighbors are. There is no bond. Hence things like freemasons or lions club filling a gap in the modern world, but those are gone now. All we have left is church and even then, so many churches never form a bond between the membership. I can spend my whole life living in one area being kind to my neighbors only to find my neighbors are all gone and there are complete strangers living in their houses who don't know me from Adam.