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I performed a sin and even though I felt guilty I did not confess or make good to those I wronged until I absolutely had to.
  
In the wake of this, I don't feel clean of my sin or that there is a way to become clean. I feel that what I have done in repentance doesn't "count" because I didn't initiate it on my own free will like I know should have.
  
It was a thing I promised I wouldn't do, in my mind in a prayer to God, and I broke it and on that basis I fear I will go to hell. I am religious but not a Catholic or part of a family that attends church. Should I seek church where a priest will hear my confession even as an outsider?
  
The idea of confessing in this way seems hollow considering I have confessed to my family, those I wronged, and God in prayer (had to be confronted that way). The person I most directly wronged gave me forgiveness, as well as some of those otherwise affected by it, but the promise I made to God in my head was broken and there is nothing they can do for that even if they wanted, it's a private betrayal between the Lord and I.
  
Is there anything I can do? It follows that the answer is to live well and accept my guilt for the past... but this is ALWAYS true as far as I understand. It doesn't feel right that despite having an intolerable sin weighing down on me I would pursue forgiveness from God on a basis of "Whoopsie daisy, guess Ill just go on and try better"
  
What can I actively DO?
  
I have a hard time imagining hearing a priest say I'm forgiven isn't just human comfort. I don't feel secure in taking someone's word for it. I have never related as a Catholic, I have always felt a person's relationship with God is direct. And I feel I violated that in horrifically direct way.
  
What is the best way to repent for a promise you broke to God? Any help is appreciated. If you think I will go to hell, idk how much functional good it will do me to hear it. That is why I ask for advice. I want to focus on how to move forward.
  
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2 years ago 1 point (+1 / -0 ) Edited 2022-03-24 19:31:11
Thanks for your comfort. Regarding personal fear (as opposed to the base, everyday hopes and worries we have for loved ones), God can be the only real motive, or is at the end of the line of logic behind another fear. I think I used "going to hell" a little more straightforwardly than I really meant. I consider it to be an expression that describes how I felt about how I've done in God's eyes after a particularly direct failure. If hell weren't associated with failing God then that'd mean there'd be a worse form of punishment to fear more than hell.
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